Cunnilingus 101
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Posted:Jul 29, 2008 4:30 pm
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2008 6:12 pm
6420 Views
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Your Motivation:
If you are performing oral sex on your girl just so she will "return the favor", you shouldn't be doing it. If you feel it is just something you have to do just to get to the “good stuff”, you shouldn't be doing it. You should want to do it because she likes it and you enjoy doing it for her.
A Little Psychology:
In many cases, the female orgasm starts in the mind. She should be 100% relaxed and comfortable. Only then should you proceed.
Many women feel a lot of pressure to have an orgasm. For as certain as a lot of men are that they will come, a lot of women feel the same amount of certainty that they won't.
Telling a woman how many times you have gotten other women off to prove your skill can actually have a negative effect by adding pressure and making your current partner feel as though she has to "measure up" or perhaps there is something wrong with her. If a woman challenges you to give proof of how good you are, tell her modestly that there is no need to brag.
If you have gotten far enough to be thinking about oral sex, she has probably convinced herself you have potential. There is no need to do it for her. Most women are very self conscious about their bodies, no matter how beautiful it is. (I know, I don’t get it either.) You can help though.
Women, overall, are more auditory whereas men are more visual. That, by the way, is why, in general, men gravitate toward porn movies, and women gravitate toward written porn. Do not underestimate the power of your words. Reassure her that you are turned on by her. Tell her how much you love her unique features. Don't focus on general things like hair, eyes, etcetera... unless you really mean it. Focus on things like the cute dimples in her cheeks, the smell of her hair, or anything else you like. If you like it, tell her! Remember, the old "If I didn't like it. I wouldn't do it, so since I’m doing it. I obviously like it" routine DOES NOT work in this case. Actually, it doesn’t work at all, but that is a whole different story. Women want to hear you say you like it AND why.
Quick Tips:
Don't think of it as "eating pussy". You're not eating anything.
That leads to my next point; do not bite! If she tells you to, start very gently.
If you are new or need some practice, you might want to do it a few times with the lights on if she is alright with that so you can get a better "lay of the land", so to speak. No one ever learned anything in the dark. (Well, that’s not true, but roll with me here.)
Be gentle and read her body language. Women are masters of body language and will guide you... you just have to know how to translate.
Don’t touch her clitoris with anything dry. Make sure you wet your fingers. You can lick them, have her lick them, moisten them with juices from inside her, or use some kind of lube. If you touch her clit with dry fingers, it can be mildly to very uncomfortable.
Women love to be teased. Do it. Period.
A Quick Lesson in Anatomy:
The "mysterious" clitoris is located right near where the inner vaginal lips come together. The flaps you sometimes spread with your fingers are the inner lips.
Guys, do not refer to them as flaps, meat flaps, or welcome mats around women. (Trust me on this!)
The clitoris is often, depending on its size, withdrawn inside the clitoral hood when not stimulated. When the clitoris becomes stimulated, it becomes engorged with blood and becomes enlarged. From a purely scientific viewpoint, it responds in many ways like your penis, but I use that analogy loosely.
One other interesting note, there is no known purpose for the clitoris. It is just a small bundle of nerves that is connected directly to the entire nervous system. There is speculation, but for all intents and purposes, it is basically a pleasure button so treat it well, and treat it gently.
Light the Pilot:
Good oral sex, like most good sex, can start hours before with stray mischievous glances, brushes, or caresses here and there. Teasing is a fun part of the game and you should learn to do it well.
When it comes time, don't just get down there so you can get on with it. Make her engage all her senses and be sure she is with you every step of the way.
Women, in general, are very physically self aware. Soft kisses, caresses, nibbles, and licks all over will activate the kinesthetic centers of the brain and will heighten her
physical awareness even further.
The general rule is two steps forward and one step back. If you are kissing her neck, move slowly down her chest or back and when you think she is really enjoying that, move back to the neck. Repeat again and again, but working farther down. Nibble and touch everything else including her inner thighs, stomach, small of her back, and feet until she cannot stand it.
Women loved to be teased. Take your time and do it right!
The inner part of her thigh, her elbow joints, the back of her neck, the underside of her breasts, the palms and backs of her hands, and the small of her back are all potential erogenous zones. Check them out and see what kind of reaction you get.
Use your tongue, light nibbles with your teeth, your finger nails, your lips, and the heat of your breathe.
Some women even like to feel the brush of a chin with stubble on it or the flicking of eyelashes over their most sensitive spots. (Careful though: read #3 in 40 mistakes men make while having sex with women.) You have lots of tools at your disposal to tease and please your girl. Be imaginative and use them all!
Do It To It:
Every woman is different mentally and physically and your most valuable skill in the entire realm of love making as well as oral sex, is learning to read you partner's body language and learning what turns her on the most. I promise this will be both appreciated and reciprocated.
There are many different techniques and what follows are just a few ideas. Experiment and learn, that's half the fun.
Start with longer heavy licks from bottom to top the way a cat would lick her kittens.
Be sure to put some pressure on the clitoris as you reach the top, but don't linger much just yet.
Too much direct pressure too early can cause discomfort or numbness. This will put initial pressure and stimulate the clitoris. Just take your time.
Be aware that the top of your tongue is rougher than the tip. This can cause discomfort if you press too hard initially. Be aware of the difference and use each part accordingly.
Slowly begin to focus your licks on the clitoris and use a more focused and flicking motion with your tongue. This is one point of customization. Some women like to have the top of their clitoris licked, some the underside, and some don't care. Pay attention to how she responds to the things you do.
Don’t be afraid to alter your body position depending on what she likes. You can also try sucking on her clit, but beware that if you clamp down and just suck, she will probably go numb.
You can try a few different techniques for stimulating the clitoris. You can basically trace out the alphabet on it with the tip of your tongue. This is a good basic technique.
For a woman who is very sensitive, try applying pressure with the tip of your tongue in a swirling circling motion around it.
You can also try gripping the clit lightly between your lips and flicking it with your tongue.
Remember; always be thinking about how she is responding.
You can also try a few other options. You can try tongue fucking her. Some women like this in the beginning, some like it later on. Every woman I have talked to says they enjoy the sensation at some point. Try and figure out when your girl likes it the best.
Also, you can try something called “the scooter”. You might want to reserve this for the more playful times. You know how some people put their lips on a ’s stomach and make a vibrating, buzzing sound. Well, basically, you squeeze her clit lightly between your lips and do the same thing. It’s kind of hard to take yourself seriously when you sound like a giant bumblebee, but have heard some women say there is nothing better.
There is no one move that will work on every woman. Any man that says he has THE one move that will drive every girl crazy is either lying or has been misled himself. The simple fact is that nothing works on every woman all the time. Hell, the same move might not work on the SAME woman every time. Learn your girl’s likes and dislikes. Never stop trying to learn more. Remember, every woman is different.
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All you ever wanted to know about kilt-checks (but were afraid to ask.)
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Posted:Jul 29, 2008 4:25 pm
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2008 4:37 pm
6148 Views
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I was in the Texas chatroom the other night, and someone mentioned “regimental rules” for kilt wearers. (“If you’re regimental, you’re wearing a kilt… if not, that’s a skirt you have on, laddie.”) So I shuffle off to SearchEngineLand and found this from the Maryland Chapter of the International Wenches Guild.
Ah, the kilt-check. Famed in song and story, it's a renfaire tradition of sorts, much to the amusement of some, and trepidation of others. Let me be absolutely clear on one thing though, you are not obligated, as a Wench to perform them. If someone tries to pressure you in to giving one when you aren't comfortable with it, tell the idiot to "go soak his or her head in the privy." End of story. However, if you'd like to be able to give a proper kilt check but are unsure of how to go about it in a way that won't get you slugged or tossed out of the faire, keep reading.
During A Wench Walk
During a Wench Walk, kilt-checks (if called for) are performed only by the Walk Leader, unless the kilt-wearing gentleman has an S.O. amongst the wenches walking. The Check shall be performed according to the procedures listed below.
Outside of the Walk
Outside of a Wench Walk, I personally suggest only performing checks in areas of the faire that are less frequented by , i.e.: the pubs. I myself generally prefer a less trafficked corner of the pub or somewhere there is no clear line-of-sight to other areas of the faire. I have also asked the kilted gentleman's friends to form a discreet "wall" with their bodies in order to keep possible spectators down to a minimum. It's all about respecting other guests of the faire who may have no wish to see a kilt check or have their witness such a thing. Be aware of your surroundings; be aware of who's watching.
The Handy How-to Guide
Now, let's go over the proper procedures:
- ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get the check-ee's permission! (And if the gent is with a lady, get her permission too!) And remember "no" means NO! If he's not interested, let it go.
- Check the immediate area to make sure NO impressionable are watching or close by.
- Stand behind the gentleman and place your hand on the OUTER side of his knee.
- Slide your hand up the OUTER thigh, feeling for underwear material (example: boxers). Use your free hand to make sure his kilt doesn't "ride up" while you do this.
- For a even more decorous check, run the edge of your thumbnail up the outer thigh, OUTSIDE of the kilt, feeling for the "speed bump" that indicates undies.
- Don't be all day about it! A 5 to 10 count "up", 5-10 count "at the top", 5-10 count "down" should be more than sufficient! It's not as if we're hoping to find the ark of the covenant up there, 30 seconds and the job should be done, even with "lingering".
- If the man is indeed regimental (meaning you felt no undergarment material), then declare him to be so and present the blue ribbon. The ribbon should be tied to his outer garments or around his arm, not...er...THERE.
("Ribbon tying" as written in the song the "Scotsmans Kilt" is something best done privately, "backstage" only, so as not to frighten the fairegoing public.)
Big, Honking "NO-NOs"
DO NOT:
- Lift or "flip up" the gentleman's kilt.
- Lay down in the road to look up his kilt.
- Use your hands to go under his kilt and grab the family jewels.
"We are checking to see if he's regimental, NOT checking to see if he's MALE!"
- NEVER give a kilt-check without the gentleman's express permission.
In Closing
Kilt-checking is an amusing tradition that can be flirtatious fun, if you find it so. It also needs to be carried out with a care for the check-ee and any witnesses. Our ability to play our "Reindeer Games" at MDRF is a privilege extended to us by the management, not a right. If a fellow patron complains to the management about us, that privilege can be withdrawn. Ladies, remember that your actions represent our entire guild (whether you like it or not). Please keep in mind that men usually don't like to be manhandled any more than you do. (If you don't believe me, go into our archives to research some of their feelings on this matter). Respect the checkee, the other patrons and most of all, yourself.
Important Footnote!!
The procedures and suggestions listed above are valid for MDRF only! Be extremely circumspect about kilt-checking at other faires,as there are many faires where all forms of public kilt-checking is inappropriate!!!! Find the local madame for the faire you are visiting to find out what's appropriate at that faire. If you can't find such a person....then don't kilt-check!
Happy wenching!
-Keltik
IWG 1040
Madame, Local 42
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You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss...
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Posted:Jul 29, 2008 4:21 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2009 9:45 pm
6275 Views
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You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss...
~~~ ‘As Time Goes By,’ lyrics by Herman Hupfeld
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A kiss is one of the most intimate and sensuous things you can experience with another person. Unfortunately, while there’s no “right” way to kiss, many people experience anxiety about kissing or don’t know how to ask for a kiss. Fear not! Whether you’re getting ready for your first kiss, or you’re an experienced kisser and just want to improve your game for your first kiss with a new partner, you’ve come to the right place.
Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.
~~~ Rene Yasenek
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The best type of kiss is one that uses different variations... such as starting with a small kiss, working into a French kiss, maybe gently sucking on your partner's upper or lower lip. And don't just leave kisses to the lips… kiss the cheeks, the chin or the eyelids. This can be very seductive and romantic.
A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.
~~~ Clare Whiting
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Closed Lips - This is like the type of kiss you'd give your grandma or aunt. Instead of opening your mouth when your lips meet, keep them closed. This is also a good way of letting your partner know this is as far as it goes. It also makes a great hello/good-bye kiss or a great first time kiss if you're nervous.
A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point.
~~~ Mistinguett
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French Kissing - This is the most popular type of kiss. This involves touching your tongue with your partner's and it can be quite a pleasant experience. There are a few tips to create a great French kiss.
Open Lips - Open your lips over your partner's slightly more than you would during a regular kiss. This makes it easier to place your tongue in your partner's mouth.
Tongue - Place the tip of your tongue on the tip of your partner's tongue. Do not force your tongue too far into their mouth. If you wish, you can play with their tongue by circling theirs with your own. Have fun with it. Explore.
Lips - You may explore different ways of using your tongue. Try running the tip of your tongue over your partner's lips. Do this slowly and gently, just using the tip of your tongue.
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
~~~ Chico Marx
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Suck Kissing - This can be a very seductive type of kiss. Instead of French kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.
A kiss is something you cannot give without taking and cannot take without giving.
~~~ Anonymous
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Nip Kissing - This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your date. While suck kissing, gently bite their lip, but be VERY gentle so as not to hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.
I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.
~~~ Mae West
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Surprise Kissing - This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.
Tips
Be kissable. Use lip balm, especially if your lips tend to get dry and chapped. Soft lips are simply more inviting. Most importantly, nobody wants to kiss someone with a stinky mouth, so carry some breath mints or gum with you, especially if you’re going out on a date. Breath mints are preferable, because you can use them in a pinch and not have to worry about getting rid of them. Also be sure to stay well hydrated; a dry mouth usually will smell worse. Of course, make sure you don’t have anything stuck in your teeth, either.
“Where should one use perfume?” a young woman asked.
“Wherever one wants to be kissed,” I said.
~~~ Coco Chanel
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Test the waters. Pay attention to signals that the other person is into you and is ready for a kiss. Does he or she seem comfortable touching you. Do they brush up against you or frequently enter your personal space with playful, innocent touches. Has the subject of kissing come up in conversation? If you haven’t noticed any of these signals, but the person does seem “into you,” try discreetly and innocently breaking the touch barrier (guys will generally be very receptive to this, many girls will not) or bringing up kissing when you’re talking. The key is to be subtle and to watch the other person’s reaction.
Wait for the right moment. There’s usually no hurry for a kiss, especially a first kiss with someone, so be patient and wait until the mood is right. Some good times are at a romantic movie after or during an onscreen kiss, walking in the moonlight, or during a particularly intimate conversation. Wait until the two of you are alone so that the other person will feel more comfortable and so that nobody will see if your attempt to kiss is rejected.
Get permission for the kiss. You usually don’t have to ask if you can kiss someone, but you do need to make sure your partner is willing to kiss you. The easiest way, of course, is to ask, but it just makes things awkward so don't . Ask “May I kiss you?” or say “I’d like to kiss you,” and lean in right away. Many girls (and guys) don't want to be asked: they prefer that you be confident enough to take a risk and just go for it. One way to do so is to stop whatever you’re doing and silently look into the person’s eyes for a moment or two. If your partner's eyes drift down to your lips that’s a pretty good sign that he or she is ready for a kiss–chances are the reaction may be subtler, however. Another good way to get permission is to just lean in and try to kiss the person or gently pull him/her toward you for a kiss. If the person pulls away at any time, he or she is not ready for a kiss.
And if you insist
On knowing my bliss
I'll tell you this
If you want to know what the reason is
I'll only smile when I lie, then I'll tell you why…
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
(Because your kiss) your kiss is on my list
Because your kiss is on my list of the best things in life.
~~~ ‘Your Kiss Is On My List,’ Hall & Oates
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Approach for the kiss. Approach slowly and smoothly. Depending on your starting position you may need only to turn your head, or you may need to lean in a bit. You may want to use your hands to gently urge your partner’s body or head into position–you just want to guide his or her movement a little, you don’t want to forcibly move any part of his or her body or hold your partner in an uncomfortable position–but in general you just want to position yourself correctly and let your partner meet you. As you near your partner’s lips, maintain eye contact. You may want to close your eyes after your lips meet to heighten the sensuality of the kiss (and to avoid staring at the pores on his or her face).
Kiss gently. There are many kinds of kisses, from quick pecks to sweet, passionate kisses. There’s a time and place for all of these, but your first kiss with someone should be gentle and romantic. Don’t press your mouth onto your partner’s -- just let your lips meet--and don’t try to push your tongue into his or her mouth. A soft, closed-mouth-to-closed-mouth kiss is perfect. Break the kiss for a moment, keeping your head close to your partner’s, and if your partner moves to kiss you back or seems to like it and doesn’t pull away, go in for another, longer, but still gentle, kiss.
Make the kiss the reason for the kiss. A lot of people (mostly men) seem to treat kisses as nothing more than a prelude to something else, and will try to quickly move into French kissing or start putting their hands in inappropriate places. Good kissers concentrate on the kiss, and they kiss, at least seemingly, expecting nothing more. Enjoy the experience, and don’t move too fast.
Annie Savoy: What do you believe in, then?
Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. [pause] Goodnight.
Annie Savoy: Oh my.
~~~ Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon in “Bull Durham”
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Let your partner participate in the kiss. Good kissing requires give-and-take, so read your partner’s body language and pay attention to clues (sighs or moans) that tell you you’re doing something he or she likes. Let your partner kiss you back, and move with him or her as long as you’re comfortable with what he or she is doing.
Breathe. If you’re kissing for an extended period, it’s easy to forget to breathe. Gasping, however, or turning blue is not romantic. Take small breaths through your nose as you kiss. You do not forget how to breathe!
Use your hands. While you should keep your hands polite, especially on a first kiss, you don’t necessarily want them just dangling at your sides. Embrace your partner, cup his or her face very gently in your hands, or run your hands through his or her hair. Another turn on for the first kiss is to gently caress their shoulder while you kiss. It shows you are comfortable with him/her. Don't forget your manners!
Be a gentleman (or a lady) at all times, and you'll be more kissable.
Be polite and patient. Don't expect a kiss on the first date. If you act polite, your partner might go out with you again and then you might get a kiss once he or she is more comfortable with you. That said, as you get a little older, people become more comfortable with kissing and it’s polite to gently try to kiss your partner if your date has gone well. If you don’t, he or she might think you’re not interested. Just keep in mind that trying to kiss someone is not the same as expecting to kiss someone. If your partner isn’t into it, politely respect that.
Experiment. Over time, you’ll want to try a variety of different kisses for different moods and times. Change it up to keep things interesting.
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
~~~ Ingrid Bergman
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There are a lot of fish in the sea. You may get turned down a lot, but don’t take it personally.
Learn from your mistakes if you can. Sometimes the timing is bad or the approach too forceful - and approach your next opportunity confidently.
Make sure your hair is out of your face. Also, if you have glasses, be careful not to poke their eyes out by accident or anything. Take contacts into consideration if you have them, if not, just, be, careful.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand, strike up the band
Make the fireflies dance, silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me.
~~~ ‘Kiss Me,’ Sixpence None The Richer
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BE IN THE MOMENT. You will not kiss as well if your mind is somewhere else. For example, when kissing, try to avoid thoughts like “What is he/she thinking about?” “Do I look okay tonight?” or anything else. Basically try not to be too self-conscious, or have ANY thoughts outside the kiss if you can help it. Instead, concentrate on the way the other person's lips feel against yours.
PAY ATTENTION. Are their lips/tongue moving slower or faster than yours? Go with it. Respond in a way similar to the way they are kissing you. Of course there is room for you to be experimental, but you need to make a connection first. Unless whomever you're kissing is just totally soulless, you can have a good kiss with just about any one. The key is to feel it. When both people approach a kiss with this mentality the moment can be absolutely amazing. It's okay to be nervous, but when you think there is a right time, do not wait for him/her to make the move first, take action, if you know that person is into you, they will take it. If they turn away and don't accept your gesture, wait, if they know you're into them, they will know that you can wait patiently for another time of touching.
Don't always try to “pretty up.” The girl/guy loves you for the way you are, and you don't have to look different and pretty up for them, don't load up on make-up. Just be yourself.
Never open your eyes. Just let it happen. Close your eyes and enjoy it, because the person might have open his or her eyes too, which will lead to an awkwardness.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
~~~ Albert Einstein
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Warnings
Do not force anything! If someone indicates that they don’t want to be kissed, don’t persist. Maybe try again some other day if things are going well.
Kissing is not supposed to be aggressive, and it's definitely not a contest of who can get their tongue the farthest into their partner's mouth.
Don't kiss a guy or girl who has a disease or cold sores in their mouth, that will hurt you in the future!
No slobber! No one likes needing to wipe their mouth after a good-bye kiss.
Don't move to open-mouthed too soon. Let the other person give you signals.
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