So You Think You've Had a Bad Day.
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Posted:May 8, 2011 6:18 pm
Last Updated:May 7, 2024 3:37 am
9055 Views
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 So You Think You've Had a Bad Day . . .The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: 
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.
After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin.
The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.
The same ambulance crew was dispatched and his wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.
He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle.
So, is your day as bad as you thought? 
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Having A Affair.
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Posted:Mar 18, 2011 9:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2011 9:17 am
8525 Views
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 Having A Affair.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'  
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Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
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Posted:Feb 25, 2011 11:50 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2011 3:56 pm
9572 Views
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Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets
weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally!!!
Ever wonder why?
It's because she smells like a new Truck. 
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Changes 1978 to 2008.
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Posted:Aug 15, 2010 7:08 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2024 3:37 am
8518 Views
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Changes 1978 to 2008.
1978: Long hair
2008: Longing for hair
1978: KEG
2008: EKG
1978: Long hair
2008: Longing for hair
1978 : Acid rock
2008: Acid reflux
1978: Moving to California because it's cool
2008: Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1978: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2008: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1978: Going to a new, hip joint
2008: Receiving a new hip joint
1978: Rolling Stones
2008: Kidney Stones
1978: Screw the system
2008: Upgrade the system
1978: Disco
2008: Costco
1978: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2008: begging you to get their heads shaved
1978: Passing the drivers' test
2008: Passing the vision test
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1990.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.."
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. They have no clue what carbon paper is.
So have a nice day!!!! It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!
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Important Condom Advisories!!
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Posted:Jun 24, 2010 7:54 pm
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2013 11:35 pm
8440 Views
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Important Condom Advisories!!
Don't Be A Fool, Rubberize Your Tool.
The Right Selection Will Protect Your Erection.
She Won't Get Sick If You Wrap Your Dick.
No Glove, No Love!
Wrap It In Foil Before Checking Her Oil.
Never, Never Deck Her With An Unwrapped Pecker.
When Your Undressing Venus, Dress Up Your Penis.
If You Go Into Heat, Package Your Meat.
If You Think She's Spunky Cover Your Monkey.
Cover Your Stump Before You Hump.
Don't Be Silly, Protect Your Willy.
When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout.
It Will Be Sweeter If You Wrap Your Peter.
You Can't Go Wrong If You Shield Your Dong.
If You Slip Between Her Thighs, Be Sure To Condomize.
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Laugh for today.
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Posted:Jun 6, 2010 9:03 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2024 3:37 am
7335 Views
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Here is a laugh for today for you, post your laughs to.
Lipstick Caper.
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
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My PONDERISMS (Things To Think About.)
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Posted:Apr 2, 2010 5:27 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2024 3:37 am
7615 Views
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 So as I sat in the house while Polly was out shopping. I wrote down  some things to think about that was on my mind. 
My PONDERISMS (Things To Think About.)
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
I think these are good. Do You think so to?
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