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Superman, beware! 5/25/2019
Superman was flying high in the sky when spots Wonder Woman
down below on a beach, wearing sleeping goggles, lying
on her back completely nude with legs spread apart. 'She
must be sun bathing' he thought to himself. Anyways
the temptation was too much so flies down and does his thing
and takes off in nothing flat. Wonder Woman then says to
the Invisible Man " Is something wrong ...
1 Comments, 113 Views,
9 Votes
,1.72 Score
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Relatives 5/25/2019
What’s worse than ants in your pants? <br><br>
Uncles.
1 Comments, 17 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Puns 5/25/2019
1.The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
<br><br>
2.I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . <br><br>
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. <br><br>
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, ...
2 Comments, 43 Views,
15 Votes
,3.13 Score
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The IRS joke! 5/24/2019
Mr Johnson got a notice from the IRS he might be audited,
and he should show the local IRS office next Monday morning 10. So, he called his attorney, and the two of them showed the IRS office 10, right on time. <br><br>
"Mr Johnson, " the IRS agent said, we have some
questions about some of your financial activities. into my office so we can discuss them." ...
1 Comments, 63 Views,
12 Votes
,3.15 Score
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Testicles 5/20/2019
An American woman is in the produce department the local
supermarket searching for the best looking russet potatoes
she can find to bake in the oven for supper night. She
comes across a potato so large, she has to use both hands
to pick it . Just then a Middle Eastern woman sees it and
says; "Oh my, potato reminds of my husband's
testicles!" "Are his testicles this ...
1 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Monday pic me up 5/20/2019
I met a guy with 5 dicks and I asked him how his pants fit, he
said like a glove!! <br><br>
<br><br>
best I got
1 Comments, 8 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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joke 5/19/2019
whats white and red and black all over...whatever you want
it to be
1 Comments, 25 Views,
15 Votes
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A Blonde Husband 5/18/2019
women were having lunch together, and discussing the
merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I
need to be honest with you, getting a boob job."
<br><br>
The second woman says "Oh that's nothing,
thinking of having my asshole bleached!" <br><br>
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't
picture your husband as a ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score
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So there I was 5/18/2019
So, there I was..... Balls deep; and my sister stops, turns and says "Wow,
you know what? You are as big as Dad!" I was surprised, and replied "You know, that's
the same thing Mom said."
2 Comments, 29 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score
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More Puns 5/18/2019
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry,
sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' <br><br>
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other
and says 'Dam!' <br><br>
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it ...
1 Comments, 51 Views,
21 Votes
,2.51 Score
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That's a Lawyer 5/17/2019
As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are
all the blinds drawn?" <br><br>
The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the
street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
2 Comments, 29 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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little Sally 5/7/2019
Little sally came home from school and told her mother
Frankie Robinson was showing his penis while on the playground.
Mother tried to respond but before she could little Sally
said, it reminded of a peanut. Mother said, you mean it was tiny? No said little Sally, it was salty
0 Comments, 39 Views,
12 Votes
,2.62 Score
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Corny 4/30/2019
What did Sushi "A" say to Sushi "B"?
<br><br>
Wasabi!
1 Comments, 9 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
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Would you rather: 4/29/2019
1. Give up on oral sex, or 2. Give up on eating cheese..??? <br><br>
You must pick one and only one.. Thanks
2 Comments, 29 Views,
7 Votes
,1.51 Score
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The moral of the story is... 4/28/2019
There was a young couple engaged to be married, one day the
man found himself alone in the kitchen with his future mother
in law. She was exceptionally attractive like his future
wife. His future father in law had just left for the store,
and took his with him. They were both alone and
he could sense this strange sexual chemistry building.
<br><br> "I'd like to ask you ...
3 Comments, 63 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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Out Dancing 4/26/2019
I went out dancing last night... They played The Twist...I twisted... They played Jump...I jumped... They played Come On Eileen...I got kicked out for that.
3 Comments, 26 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Sight? 4/26/2019
"I see", said the blind carpenter, as he picked
his hammer and saw.
1 Comments, 21 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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Checking out the bar 4/26/2019
A guy is on a business trip. He sees a bar across the street
from his hotel. Entering the bar, he sees a sign on the wall.
It reads: Cheese sandwich $2.50; Ham sandwich $4.50; Hand
Job $10. <br><br>
Behind the bar are three beautiful women. He motions for
one to over. <br><br>
"Sweetie, " he says, "are you one of the
women who gives hand jobs?" ...
3 Comments, 68 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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The Bus Stop 4/25/2019
A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the
bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware
that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to
the height of the first step of the bus. <br><br>
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
12 Votes
,4.39 Score
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Chinese Medicine 4/25/2019
While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous
and does not use a condom the entire time he is there. <br><br>
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one
morning to find his penis covered with bright green and
purple spots. <br><br>
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. <br><br>
The doctor, never having seen anything like ...
2 Comments, 71 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Saturday fun 4/23/2019
I just picked up a new book, "the history of lubricants",
its non friction
2 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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another 4/23/2019
what do you call a constipated detective? <br><br>
no shit sherlock!
1 Comments, 4 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Scotish Obituary 4/16/2019
A Scottish woman goes to the local newspaper office to see
that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is
published. <br><br>
The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents
per word. <br><br>
She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well, then,
let it read, 'Angus MacPherson died'."
<br><br>
Amused at the woman's ...
2 Comments, 71 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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The joke of the day 4/9/2019
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the
shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No,
two, but I like how you're thinking." ...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Men & Dogs !!! 4/8/2019
WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
So they won't hump women's legs in public like
they do at home.
10 Comments, 139 Views,
40 Votes
,2.60 Score
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Alien Wife swap 4/1/2019
A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are
talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject
of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?"
asked the Earthling. "Pretty much the way you do, "
responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally
the couples decide swap partners for the night and experience
one another. The female Earthling and the male ...
3 Comments, 53 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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I wonder 3/27/2019
A recent questionnaire to high school girls , 97 percent
admitted they had kissed/made out. Only 3 percent lied
about it.
1 Comments, 12 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
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For a laugh 3/21/2019
A little boy was taking a shower with his mom. The boy pointed
at her chest and asked “what are those”? The mother
was shocked and didn’t have any words except for the boy
to ask his father. The boy asked his father what those two
humps were on mommy’s chest. The father laughed and said
“those are balloons and when mommy dies, they get blown
up and carry her soul to heaven”. ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Best joke today 3/17/2019
A nerdy, 100 lbs weakling walks into a weightlifting gym
and states he wants to become a body builder. So, the gym's
trainer is walking him through all the exercise machines
explaining which machine builds which specific muscle.
<br><br>
After about a half hour, a super-hot chic walks by, breaking
everyone's attention. The nerdy, 100 lbs weakling inquires, "which ...
1 Comments, 45 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Fuc'em 3/16/2019
Fuc'em if they can't take a joke!!
3 Comments, 16 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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