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pick up line   6/12/2007

good pickup line for gay men in a bar can push that stool in for you?


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Buckwheat and Darla   6/12/2007

Buckwheat and Darla where in school and the teacher asks Darla "How do you spell dumb? Darla says "D-u-m-b, dumb" The teacher says "Very good now use it in a sentence" She says buckwheat is dumb The teacher says "Now spell stupid" Darla says "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid" The teacher says "Very good now ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
elephant   6/12/2007

What did the elephant to the naked man??? How can you breath through THAT...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
Got Milk?   6/12/2007

Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was so she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful Well once a week i fill the bathtub with milk and just bathe and soak in it so the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer i'd like a whole lot of milk" How ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes
The chicken or the egg   6/12/2007

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off The egg mutters to no-one in particular "Well i guess we answered THAT question!


0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
One liners   6/12/2007

Whats the difference between light and hard you can sleep with the light on but you can't sleep with a hard on whats the difference between a vitamin and a hormone you can't hear a vitamin whats the difference between a and a kitkat you can only get four fingers in a ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
Little girl in a barber shop   6/12/2007

A little girl walked into a barber shop with her dad was in the chair getting his hair cut she was standing beside the chair watching and eating a cookie the barber looked over at her and said little girl you're going to get hair on your cookie The little girl said i know and i'm gonna get tits too


1 Comments, 57 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
3 dogs at the vet!!!   6/12/2007

Three dogs sat in the vets for surgery 1.A Lasa Apso (ugly little things) 2.A Great dane 3.A Labradour The lab turns to the lasa and asks why are you looking so sad The lasa turns and answers my owner has a McClaren F1 and i love going out with him in his car and going fast we went out ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_Choodhna 54 C
21  Articles
Adult Games Part one   6/12/2007

Game Adults Play Part one

When three four couples get together at someone's place to have some fun in the weekends, routine sex and swapping becomes somewhat monotonous. You become used to the body and a sexual preference of other person's wife or husband and just having sex with someone other's wife or husband looses its charm. So introducing some novelty is must. Therefore you can ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
That's not what i call them!   6/11/2007

A friend of mine said that television censors are called bleeping toms!


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
joke   6/11/2007

whats the last thing that goes through a flys mind when it hits your windscreen? its asshole


0 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
DNA   6/11/2007

what does DNA really stand for? National Dyslexic Association


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
Whisky   6/11/2007

woman walks into a bar and ask the bartender for 5 whiskies the bartender asks why so many? woman replies i've just given head for the first time (blowjob) bartender reples congratulations have the sixth one on the house woman replies no thanks if five won't kill the taste i don't think the extra one will either (tip for male readers- if you leave of the beer and eat fresh fruit in week or so ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Sperm Donor   6/11/2007

a man and a woman were waiting at the hospital center man: "what are you doing here today? woman:"oh i'm here to donate some blood they're going to give me $5 for it" man: "Hmm thats interesting i'm here to donate sperm myself but they pay me $25" the woman looked thoughtful for a moment and the chatted some more before going their separate ways ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
IS HELL HOT?   6/11/2007

>The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Magic apples   6/11/2007

a young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag What's in the bag? the youngster asks magic apples the old man replied prove it said the young man well besides apples what is your favorite two fruits? asked the old man watermelon and peaches he answered the man handed him an apple and ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Death bed   6/11/2007

a man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his family a weeping wife and four Three of the are tall good looking and athletic but the fourth and the youngest is an ugly runt Darling wife the husband whispers assure me that the youngest really is mine i want to know the truth before i die i will forgive you if The wife ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
The answer to the question   6/11/2007

if peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers how many pickled peppers did he pick? The answer is peter piper couldn't pick a peck of pickled peppers because pickled peppers aren't pickled when there picked


0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes
Red Hat Tips?   6/11/2007

Three Misses from the red hat society go to see a male stripper he comes over ans dances for them the first lady takes out a 10 licks it and sticks it to his butt the second lady looks around takes out a 20 and licks it then sticks it on his butt the third woman thinks a minute..... takes out her credit card swipes it through his crack she takes the $30 and goes to the bar


0 Comments, 28 Views, 0 Votes
Breakfast   6/11/2007

she was in the kitchen preparing boiled eggs for breakfast Her husband walks in and asks, "whats for breakfast?" she turns to him and anxiously says "Quick! you've got to make love to me this very moment! thinking it's his lucky day he bends her over the kitchen table and they have sex when ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Similar   6/11/2007

Q: how are parsley & pussy hair similar? A: they both get pushed aside to eat


0 Comments, 23 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Who would get to new york first?   6/11/2007

if 2 homosexual guys were planning to go from San Francisco to New york at the same time 2 Lesbians were going to New York from San Francisco who would arrive first Answer: the guys would be packing their shit while the Lesbians were going lickedy split


0 Comments, 39 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Sophie & Ernie   6/10/2007

"sophie your tits are too small and hard and your pussy is too tight Ernie you dumb shit get off my back"


0 Comments, 59 Views, 2 Votes
the other elderly couple!   6/10/2007

an elderly couple went to the doctor and asked the doctor to give her a prescription for viagra for her husband their sex life has slowed down with their age she told the doctor that her husband didn't like taking pills so the doctor suggested that she put it in his coffee and he wouldn't know the difference the doctor wrote the prescription and told her to come back in a week and let him how it ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
the Rooster& the cat   6/10/2007

A cockerel(male chicken)and a cat was walking in the forest they came to a river and wanted to cross over but there was no bridge thinking quickly the rooster flap its wings and flew across to the other side once there it was very happy with itself and crowed aloud the cat decide to jump across the river but didn't make it and landed in the water instead it climbed up from the other side ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Kyguy2playwith 46 M
8  Articles
Bedroom Golf   6/9/2007

--------------------------------------------- Bedroom Golf

* Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.

* Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.

* Owner of the course must approve the equipment before may begin.

* For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. ...



0 Comments, 39 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Kyguy2playwith 46 M
8  Articles
How Should I Know?   6/9/2007

A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife, a blonde, picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'" ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Kyguy2playwith 46 M
8  Articles
Math Lesson   6/9/2007

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my ...



0 Comments, 57 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Definition   6/9/2007

Tact the ability to tell someone to "Go to Hell" and male them feel happy to be on their way....


0 Comments, 22 Views, 3 Votes
advantage's over beer and pussy   6/8/2007

if you try a different brand of beer your old brand will gradly have you back advanange-beer a beer is always wet a pussy needs you to encourage it first advantage beer a beer taste horrible served warm a pussy taste better served hot advantage-hot pussy if you get a hair in your touth from eating pussy you are not disgusted advantage hairy ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 4 Votes
gattomonstrosis 55 M
2  Articles
Cybersex   6/8/2007

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex." Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
shot her mouth off   6/7/2007

the rookie cop was telling his partner about the fun he had at a party the night before i had just shown up when this terrific chick took me by the hand and led me to her car the young cop said excitedly once in her car she unzipped me and pulled my dong out she srarted sucking on it and giving me a blow job and i had never even asked her name so what did you do? the older cop asked "at that ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,0.14 Score
hook line and sinker!   6/7/2007

"honey "the wife said sweetly to her husband at the breakfast table do you remember the bass you spent a weekend fishing for a couple of months ago? "yeah of course " muttered the husband putting down his newspaper one of them called to tell you you're going to be a father!


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
always listen carefully   6/7/2007

"hey jerk-off "complained the young woman to her boyfriend "you promised to take me to florida! "i never promised you any such thing "insisted her man friend "all i said was i am going to tamper with you!


0 Comments, 44 Views, 4 Votes
sticksey1964 52 M
18  Articles
Harley davidson meets God   6/7/2007

Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

God recognized ...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
another really bad joke!   6/7/2007

a set of jumper cables walked into a bar i'll served you said the bartender "but you better nit start anything!


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
rm_Mikes7557 50 M
2  Articles
Blonde Joke   6/7/2007

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."

Bartender:"What is a B and C?".

Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."

Bartender: "What's a G and T?"

Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
stealth_fighter1 112 M
20  Articles
poor ed   6/7/2007

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift box wrapped in the middle of ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
car   6/7/2007

an irishman walks out of a pub stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand a cop on the beat sees him and approaches him "can i help you lad? "yesss, sssshombody stole my car! the irishman replies the cop asks "well now where was your car the last time you saw it? "it was at the end of my key" about this time the cop looks down to see that the irishnan's member is being exhibited for ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
hardware store   6/6/2007

a couple just got a new house the husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him she kindly agreed and left when she got to the hardware store got the hinge and put it on the counter in front of the clerk ho noticed that she didn't have any screws for that hinge? she looked back at him and said "No but i'll blow you for that toaster in the window"


2 Comments, 97 Views, 9 Votes
ex wife   6/6/2007

a man and his wife are dinning at a plush restaurant and the husband kept staring at a drunken old lady swigging her gin she was sitting all alone his wife asked "do you know her? "yes answered the husband "she's my ex wife she srarted drinking after we divorced 7 years ago she hasn't been sober since" oh my god! says the wife "thats along time to celebrate!


0 Comments, 66 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
blow-up-doll   6/6/2007

a man walks into a porn shop and asks for a blow-up-doll the clerk says "would you like a muslim or american blow-up-doll? he replies "whats the difference?" the clerk simply says "the muslim on blows herself up"


0 Comments, 70 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
bear on the roof   6/6/2007

a man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof so he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough theres an ad for "Bear Removers" he calls the number the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes the bear remover arrives and gets out of his van he's got a ladder a baseball bat a shotgun and a mean old pit bull dog "what are you going to do the home owner asks? i'm going to put this ...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
A time piece with a difference   6/6/2007

One day, back in the olden days, a cowboy was crossing the desert to do some trading and came upon an Indian. The Indian was laying on his back and had an erection that stuck straight up in the air. The cowboy asked the Indian what he was doing. The Indian replied, "Me tell-um time." This made sense to the cowboy, he was using his penis as a sundial. A few days later, after completing his ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
Extra Large Condoms   6/6/2007

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?


2 Comments, 80 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
Sign Language   6/6/2007

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey, " she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
An Accidental Encounter   6/6/2007

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
Take Careful Aim   6/6/2007

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill." The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk. "I see a naked man and a naked woman running ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
Desparate Measures   6/6/2007

A couple were having financial problems until finally they couldn't stand it any more. The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make some money through to get by. So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the evening he picked her up again. "So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked. "Well", the woman responded, "I've made one ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
At The Counsellor's Office   6/6/2007

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem. She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
Mailmans last day   6/6/2007

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed ...


3 Comments, 83 Views, 11 Votes ,3.73 Score
rm_gezzuzz2 43 M
8  Articles
There was a guy riding through the desert   6/6/2007

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex ...


1 Comments, 46 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
voyeurs69in2003 73 C
107  Articles
The Romantic Husband   6/6/2007

Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: "Oh, that feels good." His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful." His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?"



He: "I found ...


1 Comments, 159 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
road   6/6/2007

why did bubba cross the road? his dick was stuck in the chicken


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
a lady to smart to fall for the old routine!   6/6/2007

the pickup truck coasted to a stop by the edge of the road "we're out of gas "said the young man smiling wickedly "yeah i thought you just might be "the girl replied pulling a flask from her purse "yeah baby the young man exclaimed ehat have you got? vodka? gin? whiskey? the girl smiled wide "89 octane unleaded"


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_Deadlyno 48 M
3  Articles
Angry Sex   6/6/2007

A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I did once." "Well, how did he look?" "Very angry." At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
Irishman & the Blonde   6/6/2007

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly too small to be a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.

Putting aside the scuba ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
POEM!   6/6/2007

A man making the Bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he went into a popular night spot. The bartender refused to serve him and told him he should go home.

Man: My wife will kill me.

Bartender: Take her some candy.

Man: She is on a diet.

Bartender: Take her some flowers.

Man: She has allergies.

Bartender: Tell her a poem.

Man: She ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
fairytales   6/6/2007

what is the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? a northern fairlytale begins with "once upon a time" and a southern fairytale begins with".. "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit"


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
salt lick   6/6/2007

a rancher has a bull that won't breed cows in the heard his vet gives him a medicated salt lick for the bull to try the first time the bull licks the block of salt the bull immediatly fucks every cow in the pasture while continuing to use the salt lick the bull jumps the fences crosses into other ranches and fucks everything he can mount amazed a neighbor asks the rancher what is in the salt ...


0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes
scream twice   6/6/2007

how do you make woman scream twice? fuck her in the ass and wipe your dick on curtains


0 Comments, 34 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
fuck or swim   6/6/2007

bill was sitting in a bar when john came in with a big smile on his face bill asked what was going on and john replied well you know that new boat i got? bill yeah john well i was out cleaning it and this beautiful blonde walked by and told me that was the nicest boat she had ever seen so i asked her if she wanted to go for a ride sure she says so we went out to the lake and when we got to the ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
two wrongs   6/5/2007

two wrongs don't make a right but two wrights make any aeroplane


0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
rolling the dice   6/5/2007

two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table a very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollors ($20, 000)on a single roll of the dice she said i hope you don't mind but i feel much lukier when i'm completely nude with that she stripped from the neck down rolled the dice and yelled come on baby mama needs new clothes! as the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
whynotsmile3 49 M
11  Articles
lol   6/5/2007

what about the irish magician he couldnt pull a rabbit out of a hat so he pulled hare out of his ass lol


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes
rid of it   6/4/2007

one morning while making breakfast a man walks uo to his wife and pinches her on her but and says "you know if you firmed this up we could we could get rid of your girdle while this was on the edge of intolerable she thought to herself better and replied with silence the next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
a test for dementure   6/4/2007

A TEST FOR DEMENTURE below are 2 questions you have to answer them instantly you can't take your time answer all of them immediately OK? let's find out how clever you are..... ready? GO!!! (scroll down) first question you are participating ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes
sick chinese man   6/4/2007

chinese man rings his boss.... me no work i sick boss syas when im sick i fuck my wife try it? 2 hours later chinese man rings back m e better, u got nice house!!


0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
tatoo   6/4/2007

man walks into a tatoo parlor and says he wants $100 bill tatooed on his dick why ask the tatooer i like to play with my money i like to watch my money grow best of all if my wife wants to a $100 she can stay home and do it


0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes
    6/4/2007

A florida couple both certified rednecks had nine .... they went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed" the doctor agreed to do the required procedure and asked them after nine why would you choose to do this..... the husband replied that they had read in recent article that one out of every ten being born in north america was mexican and they didn't want a mexican baby ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes
a little testy   6/4/2007

a women went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her she was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing Doctor the hormones you've been giving me have really helped but i'm afraid that you're giving me to much i've started growing hair in places that i've never grown hair before the doctor reassurued her a ...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
best friend   6/4/2007

a guy walks into a bar and orders a triple shot of wild turkey the bar tender says man thats a strong shot is something wrong the man says yes i found my wife in bed with my best friend the bar keep says wow thats bad here have one on me the bar keep looks at him do you mind if i ask what you did to them the guy says well i told her to pack her shit and get out the bar keep says good going thats ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
password   6/4/2007

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with >br> wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood he smugly told her to enter 'penis' >br> without blinking or saying a word she entered the password she then almost died laughing at the computers response >br> ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes
at the pearly Gates   6/4/2007

it was time for St Peter's annual three week vacation and jesus volounteered to fill in for him at the pearly gates it's easy St Peter explained sit at the registration desk and ask each person a little about his or her life the send them to housekeeping to pick up their wings on the third day jesus looked up to see a bewildered old man standing in front of him he asked the old man to tell him ...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
bush   6/4/2007

a man gets into a taxi in washington and as they are driving along the driver asks say buddy you heard the latest george bush joke? the passenger leans forward and says i am george bush the driver replies ok then i'll explain it real slowly...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
fucking a super hero   6/3/2007

superman was doing a tour of the city one night when he sees wonder women laying on a beach start naked he thinks to himeself finally after all these years heres my chance with the women of my dreams so superman zooms down quickly does his thing and leaves the wonder women stunned and shocked says what the heck was that the invisible man goes i don't know but my ass sure is sore!


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
if you only knew...   6/3/2007

according to a news report a certain private school in markham ON canada was recently faced with a unique problem a number of 12 year old girls were begining to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom that was fine but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints every night the maintenance man would remove them and the ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Dr. you wont laugh will you?   6/3/2007

"you won't laugh? asked fred of course i won't laugh the doctor said i'm a professional in twenty years l've never laughed at a patient ok then fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers revealling the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen it couldn't have been the size of a peanut unable to control himself the dotor started giggling and then fell laughing to the floor ten minutes later he ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
could be!   6/3/2007

"you've got the wrong number said the sleepy eyed man into the telephone receiver your gonna have to call the weather report for that information who was that the beautiful young wife asked some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear


0 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
dick tracy lives   6/3/2007

two private detectives where secretly watching a young women through a bedroom window the two detectives recognized the women as their 's wife and she was having wild sex with a strange man this is what i suspected detective number one said lets go in after him terrific detective number two said how soon do you think he will be finished


0 Comments, 39 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
pet shop rabbit   6/3/2007

a precious little girl walks into a pet shop and ask "excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits? as the shopkeeper's heart melts he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and he ask do you want a widdle white wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there? she in turn blushes rocks on her heels puts her hands on her knees leans forward and whispers........ "i don't ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 0 Votes
pussy size   6/3/2007

once a person visited a shop to purchase a bra for his wife the sales girl asked for the bra size the man said he don't remember the bra size what he do the sales girl said touch my boobs and estimate the size of your wifes boobs the man replied oh i forget my wife asked for panties also and i don't know her pussy size


0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes
rm_yisisme 61 F
4  Articles
crude jokes   6/3/2007

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. What do you call born in whorehouses? A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego... A. "Is it in?"

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

...


2 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rm_VTMaximus 51 M
3  Articles
Family Fun   6/1/2007

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Honey, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."

The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!" "Look! We're going fishing and that's final." "Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!" "Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW ...


0 Comments, 194 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
rm_VTMaximus 51 M
3  Articles
Retirement   6/1/2007

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
lotsoflicks6969 59 M
2  Articles
jokes for the ladies   6/1/2007

Q-What is white and 12"? A- Nothing

Q-What is the best thing that comes out of a penis? A-The wrinkles...

Q-How come polish women stopped using vibrators? A-They kept chipping their teeth...

One day there was a foot and a penis that could talk to eachother, and they were comparing who had the worst job, so the foot said, "Every morning at 5am he puts me on that ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
10   6/1/2007

ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3 The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
rm_yisisme 61 F
4  Articles
Not the bloke joke   6/1/2007

How can you tell when a man is going to say something intelligent? He starts out with "A woman once said......"


2 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
rm_yisisme 61 F
4  Articles
Traffic cops gone wrong   6/1/2007

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Cheap car   5/31/2007

A men was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500. Porsche! New! The man thought that is was unusual to sell a Porshce for $500, and he thought it was a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, She had an almost brand new Porsche. "WOW!" The man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" He was supprised that it ran perfectly and took it back ...


7 Comments, 239 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
sticksey1964 52 M
18  Articles
Human Resources Problem   5/29/2007

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a

lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it and takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Maksym 52 M
103  Articles
THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY   5/29/2007

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY Good : Your wife is pregnant. Bad : It's triplets. Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good : Your wife's not talking to you Bad : She wants a divorce. Ugly : She's a lawyer.

Good : Your is finally maturing. Bad ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Kyguy2playwith 46 M
8  Articles
A , A Chicken and A Harley   5/27/2007

kycpl2playwithOn the farm lived a chicken an a , both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
sticksey1964 52 M
18  Articles
More blond jokes .   5/26/2007

Two blondes living in Townsville were sitting on a bench talking...... And one blonde says to the other, "Which do You think is farther away..........Melbourne or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can You see Melbourne .?????"



CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it died.

After he works on it ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
Do as I say, not as I do!   5/26/2007

It was the middle of the night when the little boy had to get up to go to the bathroom. However, as he passed his parent's open bedroom and happen to look in, he decided to just go back to bed and forget it. As he slowly climbed in, he shook his head and muttered to himself, "...and to think that Mom gets pissed at me for sucking my THUMB!"


0 Comments, 154 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
Olympic Condoms   5/26/2007

The couple was about to enjoy their usual Friday date-night sex, when the young lady happen to look down at a brightly colored object in the young man's hand. "What are those?" she querried. "Oh. Those are my Olympic condoms" replied the young man, "They come in Gold, Silver, and Bronze!" "What color are you using?" she asked. "For you, darling, always the Gold." he responded. She ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
Never get Tired of Blondes   5/23/2007

THE BLONDE AND THE GATOR



A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well ...


2 Comments, 135 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
cincyguy2702 40 M
6  Articles
Penis Joke   5/23/2007

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego... A. "Is it in?"


0 Comments, 79 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
cincyguy2702 40 M
6  Articles
Penis Joke   5/23/2007

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.


0 Comments, 35 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
itsmike692 36 M
32  Articles
lol   5/23/2007

dont do drugs and dont have sex lol what your parents always said right? lol


0 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,0.14 Score
itsmike692 36 M
32  Articles
lol   5/23/2007

hey i need a hand jack alright bob i'll give a hand. jessica do you need a hand no jack and bob i need ya dicks!!!


0 Comments, 31 Views, 2 Votes
itsmike692 36 M
32  Articles
bjhfgvhjk   5/23/2007

tykirngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg iuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu riujrjntriutjreoifmfodfmgdfigjjrpejfijidfjfmjirjkfjeriskfjeirkdjrugkdpa95k4fkfjkkfkfjhkfkhmfkfkyjgjfkfkfkfkfjgjgjgjfjjfjfjfkgkfjfkgjfkgjfkgjfkgjtitkfkgjfjkgkkfigjfkgkgkgjrritktjrkfjtirifkgjg, l, mglkhmklmgh klhgklhjfgjhdrfkgjfdlghfdlkfjgfklg lhfghrthrturdhgldfgoirhtreo rdoghijoth goijgrihtrdogn


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes
clickhere4fun67 50 M
1  Article
Redneck Humor   5/22/2007

Handier than a peter at a picnic (not sure why but sounds good)

Having more fun than a puppy with two peters

Nervous as a in church


0 Comments, 61 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
sticksey1964 52 M
18  Articles
Blond in a casino .   5/22/2007

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand pounds on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and Yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
2222   5/22/2007

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen bring up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do, " responds the ...


1 Comments, 59 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
A guy dies whilst making love   5/22/2007

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes
Priceless Hangover   5/21/2007

>> >> > >> >Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business >>function. >> >He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a >>couple >> >of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to >>them, >> >a >> >single red rose! >> > >> > >> > >> >Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and >> >pressed. >> > >> > >> > >> > ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Italian (I mean Sicilian) Logic   5/21/2007

An old Italian Mafia "Don" is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an'a lissin. Somma day you gonna runna DA business. You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
SPADES1475369 32 M
2  Articles
Heres one for ya.   5/20/2007

If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where do women with 1 leg work?



iHop.


0 Comments, 55 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
gashapon2 55 M
38  Articles
Social Structure   5/20/2007

A boy got homework to explain about social structure. At dinner he asked his dad. “Dad, can you explain the social structure to me?” Dad says, “Sure , I will explain in a very simple term to you” “I provide income to the family, I am the Big Business” “Mom manages the money and runs everything the house, so she is the Government.” ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Met a woman at the bar   5/19/2007

I met an older woman at a bar last night.

She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and bullshitted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had the 'sportsman's double', a mother and threesome?

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:

"Mom you ...


0 Comments, 117 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
CaptainJose 38 M
5  Articles
Hahaha my dad's co-worker told me this and I have to share   5/18/2007

Q: What is the most important question to ask before having sex with a woman?

A: When is your husband coming home?


0 Comments, 40 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
How would you like to be an egg?   5/18/2007

>If you think YOUR life is bad..... > >How would you like to be an egg? > > > >You only get laid once. > >You only get eaten once. > >It takes four minutes to get hard. > >Only two minutes to get soft. > >You share your box with 11 other guys > >But worst of all.. > >the only chick that ever sat on >your face was your mother!!! > >So cheer up, Your life ain't that bad!!!!


0 Comments, 50 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
sticksey1964 52 M
18  Articles
THE CALL   5/17/2007

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."

Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
Today's funnies   5/16/2007

Marriage bliss

A husband and wife are in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing against her shoulder. "Oh honey, that feels good.", she says. His hand moves to her breast. "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful.", she says. His hand moves to her leg. "Oh, honey, don't stop." she begs. But he stops................. "Why did you stop?" she cries ??? "I found the remote..." he ...



0 Comments, 163 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
Beans   5/16/2007

>One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent >that we would marry, >I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. > >Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from >work. > >Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I >would be late because >I had to walk home. > >On my way, I passed by a small diner and the ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
rm_Mikes7557 50 M
2  Articles
Farmer   5/15/2007

A farmer comes home from a hard day out in the fields and walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "This is the pig I've been fucking" the wife says "You dumbass thats not a pig its a sheep" He says "Shut up I wasn't talking to you"


0 Comments, 113 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Nervous Wreck   5/15/2007

I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. It didn't help matters when the admitting nurse asked me, Have you had a hysterectomy before.


1 Comments, 112 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Gas Price   5/15/2007

The action movie had a spectacular scene where the bad gay blew up a convenience store. The building and the gas pumps in front were engulfed in a huge ball of fire, Wow! my husband gasped. I was about to say, That was a pretty impressive explosion, when he continued, Did you see the price of regular? A dollar eighty-nine a gallon.


0 Comments, 108 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Long lived   5/15/2007

A co-worker returned after lunch carrying a dress from the cleaners. Pretty said one of the guys. Big date tonight? I picked it up for a friend, she replied, adding, Do you really think I could fit in a tiny thing like this? Jerry smiled and said, Do you really think I've lived this long by answering questions like that?


0 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
sticksey1964 52 M
18  Articles
OFF TO VEGAS   5/14/2007

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later ...


1 Comments, 148 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
sticksey1964 52 M
18  Articles
BIRD'S ANDS BEE'S   5/14/2007

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The looks puzzled so the mother continues, ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
The Broken Mower   5/14/2007

The Broken Mower

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
One more blonde Joke:   5/14/2007

The Blonde and the Shepard

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, ...


3 Comments, 173 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
A True Blonde Story   5/14/2007

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating, was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it ...


1 Comments, 109 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Blondes and horseback riding....   5/14/2007

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the unassisted and the immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the 's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the 's neck, but she slides ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
3 fears of a combat soldier   5/14/2007

3 fears of a combat soldier:



Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and she asked him the three things he feared most.

He said : "Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama."


1 Comments, 90 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Gotta love blonde jokes.....   5/14/2007

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and ...


1 Comments, 72 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
11178 44 M
3  Articles
Virgin after first 2 inch.   5/14/2007

A man got married. Couple of days later his wife's old husband asked him how is the 2nd hand wife. The new husband replied good as she was virgin after 1st 2 inch


0 Comments, 254 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
11178 44 M
3  Articles
Devil, Hell and Haven   5/14/2007

A Girl Asked a Prist What is Devil Hell and Haven. The Prist replyed Between My Two Legs is Devil, Between your two legs is hell, Lock the Devil into the hell you will get haven.


1 Comments, 117 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
_ROFLMAO_ 61 M
1  Article
" Shadow & X "   5/11/2007

Here I am. I'm not hiding!



ROFLMAO!
...


4 Comments, 123 Views, 9 Votes ,2.14 Score
_BassBoss_ 26 M
6  Articles
Lesbian Frogs   5/10/2007

What did the one lesbian frog tell the other lesbian frog?

IT TRUE!!! - we do taste like chicken


0 Comments, 61 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
_BassBoss_ 26 M
6  Articles
Two Prostitutes   5/10/2007

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO prostitUTES... $150.00." A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they'd have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, "JESUS SAVES." The two ladies asked the ...


0 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
The Bad Donkey   5/10/2007

What if your donkey bit the leg off of my rooster, what would happen?

You would have a foot of my cock in your ass....


0 Comments, 31 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
saloneguurl 48 F
25  Articles
TEN HUSBANDS   5/10/2007

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he ...


1 Comments, 121 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
saloneguurl 48 F
25  Articles
Care to go upstairs?   5/10/2007

newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Grab A Burger   5/8/2007

I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker, the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the bulding to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. I'm sorry, she said, we are now serving lunch.


0 Comments, 108 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
Keys   5/8/2007

First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service couldn't get a locksmith to me for at least two hours. Finally the guy showed, looking exhausted. As he struggled with my door, I joked. Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size? Yeah, he muttered. They're called keys.


0 Comments, 82 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Laptop   5/8/2007

Problems with my laptop required calling the dreaded company help line. The service rep, based in another country, did not speak English very well. So I tried to explain it as simply as possible. I can't get the computer to work. Ah, I see he responded. You are unable to transport your computer to your place of employment.


0 Comments, 74 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
liberty13712 42 F
7  Articles
Bedtime Prayer   5/8/2007

Before i lay me down to sleep, i pray for a man thats not a creep. One who is handsome, smart and strong, one whos willys thick and long. One who'll make love til my bodys twitching...in the hall, the loo, garden or kitchen.

I pray that this man will will love me til the end and never attempt to shag my best friend.

And as i kneel and pray by my bed, i look at the wanker you ...


1 Comments, 102 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
stealth_fighter1 112 M
20  Articles
Just Fred.   5/7/2007

Just Fred

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asks the man his name. "Fred, " he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred, " the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, doesn't smell alcohol, and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So the officer ...


3 Comments, 143 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
buds and baskets   5/7/2007

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date With this See-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother Just pitched a fit,

Telling her not to dare go out like that!





The tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are Modern Times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out She goes.





The next day the comes down stairs, and the ...


3 Comments, 204 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
MY Happinesss   5/7/2007

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life..





1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.



2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh and smile.



3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.



4. It's ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
"Cute Containers"   5/7/2007

BIOLOGY MID-TERM

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking amid term.

The last question was, "Name seven advantages of Mothers Milk, " worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, who had partied the night before, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

He wrote:

1. It is perfect formula for the .

2. It provides immunity against ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
Luigi and Virginia!!!!   5/7/2007

Returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

The barber, Giovanni, said, "Hey, Luigi, how wasa da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.





"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central ...


0 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
needsex2nite69 46 C
5  Articles
One Wish Genie   5/7/2007

A woman was walking along a deserted beach one day when she saw an old bottle. She picked it up and while she was rubbing the sand off, smoke arose from it and a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got 3 wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, 3-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one wish genie. So...what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle ...


3 Comments, 139 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
loverboy694fun 59 M
9  Articles
RALPH & EDNA   5/7/2007

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
Are you Kathlick?   5/7/2007

Three little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been Baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.



So they went to the nearest Church.

But, only the Janitor was there.



One little Boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will You baptize ...


3 Comments, 106 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
A Good "Feel"   5/7/2007

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5, 000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32, " is the reply.



"I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily. A little while later she goes ...


2 Comments, 143 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Man Think   5/6/2007

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. I had not seen her in many years. We has such a great conversation; we lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."



Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could ...


1 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes
Wat Religion Is Your Bra?   5/5/2007

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." " What type of bra?" asked the clerk. " Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type? "Look around, " said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. ...


3 Comments, 185 Views, 15 Votes ,4.66 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Irish Priest   5/5/2007

An Irish priest is transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
INSTALLING A HUSBAND   5/4/2007

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 ...


4 Comments, 174 Views, 14 Votes ,6.34 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Marriage   5/4/2007

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
tounge twister   5/3/2007

read to yourself and then say outloud quickly

One smart fellow he felt smart Two smart fellows they felt smart Three smart fellows they all felt smart.

enjoy !!!


1 Comments, 72 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
liberty13712 42 F
7  Articles
cakes   5/3/2007

An elderly Welshman is on his deathbed. He can feel the end isnt far off, when he suddenly notices a wonderful aroma. He realises his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favourite food...Welsh cakes.

He finds the strength to drag himself to the kitchen and as he reaches his frail, withered hand up to the table, he suddenly feels the whack of a wooden spoon as his wife barks "fuck off ...


2 Comments, 143 Views, 15 Votes ,4.36 Score
rm_liz3120072 48 F
6  Articles
Someone steals a drunken man's car!   5/2/2007

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yesssh! ssshomebody ssstole my car!" the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time u saw it?"

"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.

About this time ...


1 Comments, 175 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
liberty13712 42 F
7  Articles
at the zoo   5/2/2007

An elephant meets a camel at the zoo and asks "why have you got tits on your back?"

The camel replies "thats rich coming from a fat fucker with a dick on his face"


1 Comments, 124 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
vry_wet1 52 F
8  Articles
Walking the Dog   5/1/2007

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the . "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the was in heat and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring Belle over ...


4 Comments, 338 Views, 14 Votes ,6.34 Score
rm_VTMaximus 51 M
3  Articles
Bumble Bee   5/1/2007

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
rm_VTMaximus 51 M
3  Articles
The Legless Parrot   5/1/2007

The Legless Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
liberty13712 42 F
7  Articles
Washing!   5/1/2007

Fred and Mary use a code for sex, the word is "washing machine". That night in bed Fred whispers to Mary "washing machine". Mary says "not tonight dear im too tired".

10mins later she feels guilty and says to Fred "washing machine". Fred replies "too late, it was only a small load so i did it by hand"


3 Comments, 164 Views, 13 Votes ,5.16 Score
loverboy694fun 59 M
9  Articles
HUSBAND WANTED   5/1/2007

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door ...



1 Comments, 126 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
Wisdon from Larry the cable guy!   5/1/2007

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without ...


3 Comments, 97 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
Golf Lesson!   5/1/2007

A man had a terrible golf problem, so he went for a lesson. Well, what should I do?", asked the man. "Hold the club gently, " the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn't wait for her ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
Frog!   5/1/2007

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute, and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
Ball licker   5/1/2007

Two men are walking down the road and see a licking its balls. The first man says: "Gee, I wish I could do that." The second man replies: "Better pet him first. He might bite."


0 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
Prison   5/1/2007

It's a stockbroker's first day in prison and on meeting his psychotic-looking cell mate, when he notices how scared the stockbroker looks. "I'm in for a white-collar crime, too." "Oh, really?" says the stockbroker, sighing with relief. "Yes, " says the cellmate, "I killed a vicar."


0 Comments, 79 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
How to impress a woman   5/1/2007

How to impress a woman: compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress, love her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go the ends of the earth for her. How to impress a man: turn up naked with beer.


0 Comments, 65 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
Honestly!!!   5/1/2007

Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you, " replies Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!"


1 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
bongo2577 46 M
3  Articles
Finish the old stories....   5/1/2007

Little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, , I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
bongo2577 46 M
3  Articles
golf course   5/1/2007

Question: Do you know the most difficult Golf Course in this world?

Answer: “Woman’s hole” No matter how many strokes or style u play, your balls will never go in!


0 Comments, 50 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
bongo2577 46 M
3  Articles
some parents know where are their priorities   5/1/2007

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops ...


2 Comments, 193 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
vry_wet1 52 F
8  Articles
Loses Virginity   4/30/2007

A 17 year-old comes home one day with a grin from ear to ear and proudly proclaims to his father that he is no longer a virgin. His father is pleased to have another "MAN" in the house and goes to the fridge and grabs a couple of beers. He hands his a beer and beaming with pride says, ", tell me all about it...what was it like?" The tells his father, "Dad, it was incredible, but I have one ...


1 Comments, 251 Views, 9 Votes ,3.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
When I Was   4/30/2007

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Retired   4/28/2007

Upon reaching 65, old Tom decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.

Old Tom obliged and went out for a couple of hours. When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
language skills   4/27/2007

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real Problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, ...


3 Comments, 129 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
MARKETING   4/27/2007

>> The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However,

>> people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

>> Well, here it is:

>>

>> 1.You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party.

>> You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

>> That's Direct ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
loverboy694fun 59 M
9  Articles
ARE YOU GIVING 100% ?   4/27/2007

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
loverboy694fun 59 M
9  Articles
NEW FED TAX ON MALE THINGMAJIG   4/27/2007

2007 Tax Code

The only thing that the Goverment has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!

HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the penis will ...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
loverboy694fun 59 M
9  Articles
ELDERLY GAMBLING WOMAN   4/27/2007

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked ...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Have you registered your man yet?   4/26/2007

Fall Classes for Men at THE LONG PRAIRIE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, Oct 30, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .



Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for ...


1 Comments, 56 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
loverboy694fun 59 M
9  Articles
A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS   4/25/2007

A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled, but bought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's going to start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, ...


1 Comments, 143 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
_BassBoss_ 26 M
6  Articles
Still lookin'   4/25/2007

Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She:"Oh that feels good." His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey that feels wonderful." His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?" He:"I found the remote."


2 Comments, 168 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Your momma...   4/22/2007

Your mommas pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rug burn.


0 Comments, 109 Views, 8 Votes
Creation of pussy...   4/22/2007

THE CREATION OF THE PUSSY



Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a ...


1 Comments, 155 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
jetblast22001 53 M
1  Article
An oldie but a goodie...   4/22/2007

An eskimo takes his snowmobile into a garage. The mechanic has a look and says, 'Looks like you've blown a seal', to which the eskimo replies, 'No, mate, it's just frost on my moustache!'


1 Comments, 99 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
rm_ranja_a1 42 M
4  Articles
three person   4/22/2007

there are 3 person (muslim , cristain and hindu) they went to long jouney in the way they bought some sweats , but sweats are little bit , they decited together who'll saw a nice dream tonight than he can eat sweats. and they asleep, in the morning they awake up first the hindhu said that i saw a nice dream last night , i saw our kalidhevi came and she broght me and show me the world. they are ...


0 Comments, 120 Views, 2 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
After the date   4/22/2007

After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time.

Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you?"Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."


3 Comments, 172 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Golf anyone   4/21/2007

Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation, and Ed fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.

"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut, " Ed said to his lady friend. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now." ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Jamaican Sandals   4/20/2007

A married couple walked into a tourist shop. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."



Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you ...


1 Comments, 169 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Tools   4/20/2007

Tools and their REAL uses. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of ...


1 Comments, 85 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Devil showed up   4/20/2007

A few minutes before weekly services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman

who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly ...


0 Comments, 105 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
rm_finecocpl 37 C
1  Article
names!   4/19/2007

A guy walked into a bar and asked for a drink, the bartender said sure i just need the name of your penis, The man said ok give me a minute. So the man asked another guy at the bar what the name of his penis was and he said a FORD the guys guy asked a ford y? Its built tough. OK then he goes to another guys and asked the name of his penis and the guy said its a CHEVY. Y a chevy he ...


1 Comments, 226 Views, 9 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Perfect Shot   4/17/2007

Ed stood over his tee shot on the long ninth for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner asked, " What the hell is taking you so long?"

"My wife, Di is up there watching me from the clubhouse balcony, " Tom explained. "I wanna make a perfect shot."

"Oh come on Ed, " his ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
voyeurs69in2003 73 C
107  Articles
Religious John   4/16/2007

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices A sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF 10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without Second thought.. ..Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF T. FRANCIS HOUSE OF 5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize ...


0 Comments, 174 Views, 5 Votes ,1.19 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
Psychiatrist phone   4/16/2007

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Three Blondes at the Gate   4/15/2007

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first blonde said, "Easter is the holiday where they have a big feast, give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter rolled his eyes, said, "Blondes, " and banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
rm_cwifedou 47 C
16  Articles
LOnger legs   4/15/2007

There was a young man in the air force who was so well endowed it was causing problems with his knee. Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, "We`ll just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity. The second doctor said, "We`ll just take a big hunk out of the middle of ...


0 Comments, 209 Views, 12 Votes ,3.86 Score
rm_cwifedou 47 C
16  Articles
4 bells   4/15/2007

Putting out the Fire A man who worked for a fire station came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks. "From now on we're going to run this house the same way." When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip ...


1 Comments, 155 Views, 17 Votes ,5.67 Score
rm_cwifedou 47 C
16  Articles
Pants and panties   4/15/2007

A typical macho man married the typical good-looking lady. On there honey moon before they crawled into bed he says to his wife, "honey I want you to do something for me" She's thinking oh great he wants it his way, so she says, "Yes dear what would you like me to do?" He replies, "I want you to put on my pants" So she thinks for a minute then she says ok. Well as she goes to pull up the pants ...


0 Comments, 155 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
rm_cwifedou 47 C
16  Articles
Only in New York   4/15/2007

Only in New York! A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning; and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
hornycouple610 67 C
16  Articles
over coffee   4/14/2007

Two guy were having coffee when one said you know I never had sex with my wife before we were married. Did you? The other said I don't rightly know what was her maiden name.


0 Comments, 111 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
The Pearly Gates   4/13/2007

An Engineer is standing outside the Pearly Gates. "Sorry, "St. Peter tells him, but you're in the wrong place." He snaps his fingers and the engineer finds himself in hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort there, the engineer starts making improvements. One day, God phones Satan to ask how things are going. "Great, " he answers. "We've got central air and escalators now. There's no ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Football 3   4/13/2007

How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team. And they each get a semester's credit for it.


0 Comments, 47 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Football 2   4/13/2007

Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Football 1   4/13/2007

How do you keep cool at a football game? Stand next to a fan.


0 Comments, 35 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Words   4/13/2007

Teacher: There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross, and the other is cool. Johnny: So, what are the words?


0 Comments, 67 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
Bull Pill   4/13/2007

A farmer in Culpeper, VA went to the local branch of Wachovia Bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.

The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

Next ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
2029 Headlines!   4/13/2007

*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

*Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

*Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

*Couple ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
getdown1st 68 C
213  Articles
Email OOP'S   4/13/2007

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong Email address! A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.

So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Trip to Hawaii   4/12/2007

A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the East River.

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Hawaii in the morning, and if ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
Swankie57 65 M
50  Articles
FLAT BELLY   4/12/2007

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. the mom sees her and quickly dismounts, worried about what her has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
One Testicle   4/10/2007

One Testicle..... > > > >There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". >So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked >everyone not to call him Onestone. >After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, >"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" >The word got around and nobody called him that any more. >Then one day a young ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
A guy walks into a..........   4/7/2007

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my ."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from ...


0 Comments, 219 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
In Bed   4/7/2007

Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."


2 Comments, 189 Views, 12 Votes ,4.74 Score
Riskywire2 73 M
3  Articles
Attitude   4/7/2007

The new bride, after getting sexy for her new husband, comes into the bedroom and sees him standing there with his pants in his hand. He hold his pants out to her and says. "Here put these on." To this she says. "Those won't fit me." "Right." He says. "And I want you to remember who wears the pants in the family." She puts her thumbs in the waist band of her bakini panties, pulls them off and ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Riskywire2 73 M
3  Articles
Puppies   4/7/2007

Johnie was at the park with his dad when he saw two dogs getting it on. He pulled on his dad's pants leg and said. "Daddy, what are those dogs doing?" His dad looked over and said. "There just making pupies." And that was that. That night after going to bed he awoke needing to take a leak. He got up and headed for the bathroom. When he passed his parents open door he heard some moaning and looked ...


0 Comments, 166 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
Why   4/6/2007

Why do you need a drivers license to buy beer when you can't drink and drive?
Do you park in the driveway amd Drive on the Parkway?
Why is there an interstate hiway in Hawaii?


0 Comments, 104 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Say, I think he's right...!   4/5/2007

Clem & Billy Bob were enjoying a nice day of fishing. As Clem finished off his beer, he tells Billy Bob, "I think I'm goin' to divorse my wife... she hasn't spoken to me in over a month now!" "Well, Clem..." replied Billy Bob, "you might wanna think about that a little more, a good wife like that is pretty hard to find"


0 Comments, 140 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Getting Even   4/5/2007

Two best friends were on a river bank fishing when one of them said to the other. Hey, if I was to sneak out of here and go to your house. Then make love to your wife and get her pregnant would that make us relatives? "No" the other man said "JUST EVEN"


0 Comments, 246 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
New bike   4/5/2007

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ", we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280, 000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ", where are you going?"
Little Joe told him: "I was walking past your room last ...


0 Comments, 194 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
Escaped prisoner   4/4/2007

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in ...


0 Comments, 157 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
The coincidence   4/4/2007

A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron.
He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."
"What a coincidence, " said the woman, "I'm celebrating, too". She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"I'm a chicken farmer, " he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
The cruise   4/4/2007

A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise for himself and his girlfriend.
The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he could do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get them onto a three day cruise.
The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three ...


0 Comments, 154 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
sex-obsessed?   4/4/2007

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses they come together again. I come aain and pee twice. Then I come one lasta ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
Best contraceptive   4/4/2007

Two girls: - Which is the best contraceptive? - An aspirin. - ??? - Take an aspirin, put it between the knees and keep it tight.


0 Comments, 87 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
Three nuns   4/4/2007

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third ...


0 Comments, 164 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Life on the farm   4/4/2007

A Schoharie County farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 9 opened the door.
"Is yer Pa home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't, " the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well", said the farmer, "is yer Ma here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Pa. "
"How about your ...


0 Comments, 159 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Average   4/3/2007

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.


0 Comments, 88 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
No Needles   4/3/2007

NO WAY, NO NEEDLES !!
A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist takes out a needle to give the man a shot of Novacain.
"No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas but the man again objects. "No gas, please the mask on my face is suffocating to me."
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking ...


0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
alligator shoes   4/3/2007

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
_BassBoss_ 26 M
6  Articles
Taking A Woman To Bed   4/2/2007

Taking a woman to bed
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 -- She tells you a ...



0 Comments, 117 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Drive Up ATM   4/1/2007

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts."
"After months of ...


2 Comments, 139 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
rm_abbeman12 52 M
16  Articles
Ya gotta love older folks!   4/1/2007

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem ...


4 Comments, 243 Views, 15 Votes ,5.27 Score
rotn2dacore 69 M
11  Articles
$20   3/31/2007

A guy goes out drinking after work one day with his buddy. After a few drinks, he throws up on himself. "My wife is going to kill me. I wasn't supposed to be drinking tonight". His buddy tells him, "Just put a $20 bill in your pocket and tell your wife that someone at the bar threw up on you and gave you $20 for your cleaning bill." They have a few more drinks and are REALLY plastered. When he ...


2 Comments, 157 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
The Curtain Rods   3/30/2007

The Curtain Rods
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
MALE STRIPPERS   3/30/2007

Male Strippers
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.
When the male dancer came over to us,
my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.
She called the guy back , licks the $20 bill,
...


1 Comments, 152 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
New UCLA Study   3/30/2007

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.


For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features.


However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Silhouette52 66 M
15  Articles
Park Politics   3/30/2007

A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells, "All politicians are *ssholes."
A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a politician?"
"No, " he replies, "I'm an *sshole."


0 Comments, 108 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Silhouette52 66 M
15  Articles
Alaskan Accident:   3/30/2007

Alaskan Accident:
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife, " said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F
15  Articles
buying lingerie   3/29/2007

PS short story for you.


A husband walks into " Victoria's Secret" to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities ranging from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and ...


4 Comments, 195 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
Lexus   3/29/2007

A lady walked into a LEXUS dealership just to browse. Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen & walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.
Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed & hoped a salesperson hadn't been near. But, as she turned back, there, standing ...


3 Comments, 148 Views, 9 Votes
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK   3/29/2007

(maybe some haven't heard this one)
A girl was shopping at the local supermarket and selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, and A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, ...


4 Comments, 167 Views, 12 Votes
Fireman Sex   3/29/2007

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
All-night Duty   3/29/2007

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
Hair Style   3/29/2007

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Grandma's Idea   3/29/2007

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!
So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."
Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"
His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
Did You Call For Me?   3/29/2007

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
New Tax   3/29/2007

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1st, 2004 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
That's Not Going to Help   3/29/2007

One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mom, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you're on top of each other?"
His mother , very surprised, replies; "Honey you know how fat daddy is, I'm jumping on top of him to help him lose weight".
The boy knows that's not working and tells his mother why...
"Mom that's not ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Sunburned   3/29/2007

A certain young man finally got a date with a female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, he fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool". ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
International Disadvantaged People's Day   3/29/2007

Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote Republican or occasionally shit your pants.......You hang in there sunshine, you're special..


0 Comments, 64 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Coward   3/29/2007

Two are arguing over whose father is the most coward.
The first one says, " My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes he slides underneath our bed"
The second goes, " That's nutting, my dad is so scared that when mummy works night-shift he sleeps with the woman next door."


0 Comments, 119 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Camel Sex Or Camel Ride   3/29/2007

A new American Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert. During his first inspection of his new outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post, and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's ...


2 Comments, 115 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
Lawyers and Questions .........   3/29/2007

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
Riskywire2 73 M
3  Articles
Who wears the pants in the family?   3/28/2007

A knew bride was in the bathroom getting all sexy for her new husband. When she came out he handed her his pants and told her to put them on. "Those won't fit me." she said. "There're too big." "I just want you to remember" He said. "who wears the pants in the family. "Oh is that right." She came back as she hooked her thumbs in the waist band of her panties. She pulled them off and ...


1 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Boobs and Willies   3/28/2007

A family is sitting around the supper table. The asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, , there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
No Undies   3/28/2007

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £30. ...


0 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
Triplets   3/28/2007

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years, and then one walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was taking pee and this bullet came out." ...


2 Comments, 94 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
eddie_t_head666 45 M
0  Articles
Whay condoms come in 3's   3/28/2007

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old . They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, .
Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see, " replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Warning   3/28/2007

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain progesterone’s) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints ...


1 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Guy Rules   3/27/2007

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Riskywire2 73 M
3  Articles
Being a Biker   3/27/2007

A biker was sitting in his living room reading Easy Rider Magazine when his 5 year old came running from the kitchen, grabbed the cat and bit him, threw a handfull of M&M's in his mouth and ran out the front door. The biker woundered what the fuck was that all about and went back to his magazine. A few minutes later the came thru the front door, bit the cat, tossed down a hand full of M&M's ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Marine Humor   3/27/2007

Our Army Unit was overseas conducting maneuvers with the Marines. On shift one night, a Marine asked my sergeant where he was from. "I'm originally from Central America, " said the sergeant. "Oh, yeah?"asked the Marine. "Kansas?"


3 Comments, 108 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
Navy   3/27/2007

Few people know what a quarter master does. So during my aircraft carrier's Family Day, I Demonstrated a procedure called semaphore - I grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat. When finished I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, "Now do you know what I do?" "Yes, " she said, "You're a cheerleader."


1 Comments, 81 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Army   3/27/2007

While in the Army, my Gabe attended Posh( Prevention of Sexual Harassment) classes. During one session, the sergeant said to his men, "Before you tell a joke, ask yourselves, What would my mother think?" Gabe replied, " Sergeant, There's a problem with that." What is it? Asked the sergeant! If I listened to what my mother had to say, I wouldn't have joined the Army in the first place, said ...


3 Comments, 118 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
No Phone   3/27/2007

I returned home from vacation only to discover my phone was dead. So I went to a neighbor's home and called the phone company. They assured me they would be over by the end of the day. The end of the day came and went. So did the following day. On the third day, I borrowed my friend's phone again, this time to complain. "I'm sorry, " said the customer service rep." We tried calling you to make ...


2 Comments, 103 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
justnumbers 51 M
15  Articles
Jane & Tarzan   3/26/2007

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.
"What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay ...


0 Comments, 155 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
justnumbers 51 M
15  Articles
Snow White & Pinocchio   3/26/2007

SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"


0 Comments, 122 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
justnumbers 51 M
15  Articles
Red   3/26/2007

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the ...


0 Comments, 133 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
justnumbers 51 M
15  Articles
Pinocchio   3/26/2007

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
To Be An Alaskan   3/26/2007

This Texan did not like to be in the second largest state he wanted to be in the largest state. So he came to Alaska and asked an Alaskan how he could become an Alaskan. The alaskan said there are three things you must do. (1) You must piss in the Yukon River (2) Then you must make love to an Eskimo woman (3) You must then fight a Polar Bear. The Texan than said ok. After a few weeks the Texan ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Army Airborne   3/26/2007

The topic of the day at Army Airborne School was what you should do if your parachute malfunctions. We had just gotten to the part about reserve parachutes when another student raised his hand. "If the main parachute malfunctions, " he asked, "how long do we have to deploy the reserve?" Looking the trooper square in the face, the instructor replied, "The rest of your life."


3 Comments, 102 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
eriemale2 47 M
1  Article
joke   3/24/2007

a couple is sitting at the breakfast table when the wife says hun do u know this is our 50ith anniversary and her husband says yes i know and she says do u remember when we were younger and used to have breakfast completely naked why dont we do that know so he agrees she tells him her tits get hot for him even after all these years and he says well of course they ar u have one in your coffee and ...


3 Comments, 121 Views, 10 Votes ,4.38 Score
gashapon2 55 M
38  Articles
Swinging   3/24/2007

Two couples are out camping in the woods. They have known each other for a long time. One of the husbands suggested to the other three. "Let's try swapping". All of them thought it would be fun and agreed. That night they switched partners. After a wild sex that totally exhausted him, he said, "That was really great. Hey, do you think the wives are enjoying as much as we are?"


2 Comments, 198 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
gashapon2 55 M
38  Articles
Slut and bitch   3/24/2007

What is the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A slut will sleep with anyone. A bitch will sleep with anyone except you.


1 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Really Bad   3/23/2007

West Virginia pick-up lines > > 1) Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away. > > 2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special. > > 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in. > > 4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to sign you out. > >5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em. > > 6) If you was a tree I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer ...


3 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
Blonde!   3/22/2007

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the ...


3 Comments, 156 Views, 13 Votes ,5.16 Score
rm_Sugar22234 56 F
3  Articles
, you got to love em   3/19/2007

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know the cat as dead?" she asked him.
"Because i pissed in it's ear and it didn't move, " answered the innocently.
"You did WHAT!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know, " explained the boy, "i leant over and went 'Pssst', and it didn't move."


4 Comments, 232 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
rm_abbeman12 52 M
16  Articles
Ventriloquist   3/18/2007

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in the elks lodge #2309.
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes when a blond woman, we'll call her Maureen, in the forth row, stands on a chair and shouts:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes! What makes you think that you can stereotype women that way? What ...


0 Comments, 138 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
voyeurs69in2003 73 C
107  Articles
DICTIONARY FOR ARGUING WITH WOMEN   3/18/2007

1. “Fine” This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can’t stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use “Fine” to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.) 2. “Five minutes” This is half an hour. It is equivalent to ...


1 Comments, 148 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
What is it?   3/18/2007

Hey bet you can't answer this one!
What gets longer when pulled................
Fits between your boobs..............
Inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked?........................
scroll down to find the answer.....

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\/ ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
UpForeU2Play 65 M
155  Articles
Blonde Joke   3/17/2007

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little amused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from drug stores on a regular basis and would like some more.
I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any", "But I always buy ...


0 Comments, 167 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Old Military Humor   3/17/2007

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
UpForeU2Play 65 M
155  Articles
Government Job   3/16/2007

A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes, "he says, "I was in Vietnam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment, " and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes, 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Paperless   3/16/2007

After my speech at a tech conference on Tips for Going Paperless, I open the floor to questions. I have one, said a man. Where are the handouts?


0 Comments, 77 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Slogans   3/16/2007

(1) Seen on the side of a garage truck, Purveyors of Fine Used Foods. (2) On a One Flush Plumbing truck, One Flush Beats a Full House. (3) On a sign outside Mac's, a sporting goods store, A Tulsa Tradition Since Last Month.


0 Comments, 59 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Surgeon   3/16/2007

One of our surgeons recently suggested to a patient that he have a benign growth removed. Will it be expensive? asked the patient. About $400, the doctor replied. Is it a dangerous operation? The doctor scoffed, I don't do dangerous for $400.


0 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Christians   3/16/2007

Going over our church finances, I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I wasn't aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the store to point out its mistake. I'am sorry, I told the manager, but there are no Christians here at Frist Baptist Church.


0 Comments, 78 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
Titanic   3/16/2007

A teacher, a dustman and a lawyer find themselves waiting outside the pearly gates. Eventually, St Peter emerges and informs them that in order to get to heaven, they'll each have to answer one question. St Peter turns to the teacher. "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They made a movie about it." The teacher answers quickly, "That would be Titanic." St Peter lets him ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
NE_Charlie2 53 M
9  Articles
Aftershave!   3/16/2007

A Navy chief and an Admiral are sitting in a Barbershop They have both just finished having a shave, and the barber reaches for some aftershave. "Hey! Don't put that stuff on me!" the Admiral shouts. "My wife will think I've been in a brothel!" The chief turns to his barber and says: "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."


0 Comments, 53 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Ladies night out   3/16/2007

Bar - Ladies Night Out! >> Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. >> One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out > a >> 10 bill >> >> When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the 10 bill > and >> stuck it to his butt cheek! >> >> Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a 20 bill. >> >> She called the guy back, licks the 20 bill, and ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
UpForeU2Play 65 M
155  Articles
Best Blonde Joke of the Year!   3/11/2007

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
"Sweet" revenge   3/11/2007

A young woman and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's her turn to buy a round, she tells him of a wonderful new drink that he simply must try. She returns with the usual lager for herself but for him she has two glasses and a salt shaker.
One glass contains a measure of Bailey's Irish Cream, and the other has lime juice. "Okay, what you have to do is put a large pinch of salt on your ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Mathematician and his wife   3/11/2007

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs, which you are no longer able to satisfy, I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at that Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Scott_in_Tulsa 39 M
9  Articles
Hilary Clinton's Grammar School Visit   3/11/2007

Hillary Clinton was spending the morning at a primary school to talk to the about her job as a US Senator.
After her talk, she offered question time. One little boy raises his hand and Hillary asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: first - whatever happened to you medical health care plan? Second - why would you ...


0 Comments, 102 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
nicco100 55 M
13  Articles
rooster and cat   3/11/2007

There was a cat and a rooster wondering by the lake.Both were famished looking for any food they could find, later on the rooster found himsle focusing apon a worm inching its way near by.The rooster the proceeds to pounce oon the worm eating it quickly then resting after his meal, he rubs his belly with pure satisfacation.The cat looks at the rooser and thinks to himself well if he can do it so ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Introduction   3/11/2007

A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small guy fainted!!
The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, slapping his face and shaking ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A WOMAN   3/11/2007

THIS GUY COMES INTO THE BAR AND TAKES A SEAT ANNOUNCING THAT HE IS BUYING DRINKS FOR EVERYONE. HIS MULTI MILLIONAIRE FATHER IS ABOUT TO DIE WITHIN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS AND HE IS GOING TO INHERIT IT ALL. THIS IMPRESSED THIS GORGEOUS WOMAN WHO AGREED TO GO HOME WITH HIM. WITHIN THE NEXT THREE DAYS THE MAN COMES BACK TO THE BAR WITH THE SAME GORGEOUS WOMAN ONLY NOW SHE IS HIS STEPMOTHER.


3 Comments, 211 Views, 12 Votes ,4.92 Score