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ALL IN THE FAMILY 2/14/2014
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming
sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened
the door she found her naked on the bed with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?" She exclaimed.
The replied, "I'm 35 and still living
at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll
ever get to a husband."
Later that week, the father was in the ...
3 Comments, 291 Views,
16 Votes
,7.24 Score
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LEAVE ME ALONE 2/14/2014
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself
to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of
aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean
and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it
is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins ...
0 Comments, 161 Views,
10 Votes
,5.58 Score
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adult theme! 2/11/2014
JOKE....Adult Themes XX
(1) To make it straight, she pulls it.. To make it stand, she rubs it. To make it stiff, she licks it. To put it in, she pushes it. It's hell of a job threading a needle!!
(2) A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke
up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, I'll ...
2 Comments, 177 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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laughsss 2/9/2014
The Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) -----------------------------------------------
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) -----------------------------------------------
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions) ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score
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CONDOM INFO 2/8/2014
Condom's don't guarantee safe sex anymore...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the women's
husband.
So ends todays public service announcement.
0 Comments, 49 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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GET OUT!!!!!! 2/8/2014
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house..
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach
stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter, ' she said. 'Just
get out.'
0 Comments, 37 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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MARRIAGE 2/8/2014
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
in a very sexy nightie.
'Tie me up, ' she purred, 'and you can do anything
you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right, and the other is a husband.
0 Comments, 36 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Quick one liner 2/7/2014
What's the difference between pink and purple?
The grip
0 Comments, 27 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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word pun 2/4/2014
there was a popular cigarette brand CAPSTAN
that contained a sexy question
"Can A Prick Strike Thrice A Night? "
the answer to the question was in the same alphabets
"Not All, Though Some Pricks Are Capable"
0 Comments, 45 Views,
7 Votes
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Nightingale 2/4/2014
Have you heard about the nightingale that did it for a lark?
0 Comments, 31 Views,
3 Votes
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what a woman wants from her man!! 2/2/2014
a wants a man that owns a yacht, multiple mansions, multiple
cars, private jet etc.....
in her twenties...she want a man that owns a business, professional
athlete, owns a mansion....etc
in her thirties...she wants any man that have a job....
in her forties....she just want a man, any man.he could
be unemployed and he will be fine.(she can take care of him
financially) ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
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DEER HUNTERS 1/31/2014
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Frank’s wife puts
her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank’s
friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they
do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find
Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered,
and dinner cooking on the ...
0 Comments, 194 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score
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GOLFING???? 1/31/2014
Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf
shoes.
His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period
of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've
been thinking, now that we are married I think it's
time you quit golfing . Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
Jim gets this horrified ...
1 Comments, 173 Views,
11 Votes
,3.35 Score
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ONE LINERS 1/31/2014
I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely
banging my snooze button in the morning.
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture
and they hand you the camera.
Never laugh at your girlfriends choices..... you’re
one of them.
Scooters are for men who want to ride motorcycles, but prefer
to feel the wind on their vaginas.
Whenever I fill out ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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LOGIC 1/30/2014
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at the bar drinking
a beer. Jim turns to Bob and says,
"You know, I'm tired of going through life without
an education. Tomorrow, I think I'll go to the community
college and sign up for some classes."
The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets with
the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic
classes: Math, ...
0 Comments, 150 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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LONG TERM COMMITMENT 1/30/2014
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
Fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
0 Comments, 63 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
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GOOD USE.... 1/30/2014
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked
at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small
running around at her feet. “I’m doing some
research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, ” he said, “what
do you use it for?” “We use it ...
0 Comments, 128 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
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1/30/2014
I was with a once.
She said I will do anything that your wife or girlfriend
will not do.
Bless her heart, she sowed a button on my shirt.
0 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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MONEY PROBLEMS 1/30/2014
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they
decide she'll become a .
She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand
in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks.
If you've got a question, I'll be parked around
the corner."
She's there for five minutes when a guy pulls up and
says, "How much?"
"A hundred dollars."
...
0 Comments, 144 Views,
13 Votes
,4.32 Score
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BREAKING NEWS 1/29/2014
An Irish farmer has sucessfuly grown a field full of dildos.
Now he has problems with squatters.
0 Comments, 34 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
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HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION 1/26/2014
1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...floor.
2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
4. The main reason that santa is so jolly is because he knows
where all the bad girls live.
5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's
the self- help section?" She said if ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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NEW BULL 1/26/2014
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was
going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect
raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here
5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which
100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this
newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ ...
2 Comments, 152 Views,
12 Votes
,4.39 Score
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SOME QUICKIES 1/26/2014
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face'
didn't mean what I thought it did.
I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato
pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not
eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'
I had a Trivia ...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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DIAPERS 1/26/2014
I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why
baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies, "
and "Pampers', while undergarments for old
people are called "Depends".
Well here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna
Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper em.
When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score
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The Pager 1/23/2014
After a horrible storm my best friend loaned me his dump
truck so my sons, 12 and 8 could help me haul away a huge tree
that had been uprooted in our back yard.
The boys were quite impressed with the warning bell which
came on once the truck was shifted into reverse and commented
on it repeatedly.
The following day my two young sons and I were standing in
line at the grocery ...
4 Comments, 249 Views,
18 Votes
,5.85 Score
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REALLY EXCITED 1/21/2014
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over
the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well, " replies Paul, "you know that
beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got
an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes, "
replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well, " says Paul, straightening up, "I
finally got the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." ...
1 Comments, 185 Views,
16 Votes
,3.72 Score
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THE DELIVERY ROOM 1/21/2014
A young women goes to the hospital to have her baby. No husband
or boyfriend is present.
The woman has her baby and then the nurse comes in and says
I must warn you your baby is black. The woman says "Well
I was in desperate need for money and there was a porno and
the guy was black." The nurse quickly apologizes
and says it was none of my business. The woman didn't
seem to mind. ...
0 Comments, 157 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
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ARTHUR GUINNESS 1/21/2014
There's a big conference of beer producers.
At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies
decide to have a drink in a bar.
The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the
president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph
Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.
Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to
drink, and much to everybody's ...
2 Comments, 147 Views,
12 Votes
,4.04 Score
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GERMAN TOURIST 1/21/2014
A senior citizen from Germany arrives at the Warsaw airport.
He presents his passport to the Polish immigration officer
who looks it over and asks, "Occupation?"
And the German somewhat confused answers, "No, just
visiting this time."
0 Comments, 78 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Bananas are better than MEN because 1/16/2014
You don’t mind swallowing a banana. Bananas are always
stiff. Bananas don’t know how to fart. A banana’s only
purpose is to satisfy you. No one cares if you have two Bananas
in bed with you at the same time. Another woman will never
try to steal your Banana. Bananas can last the whole night
through. Even the smallest Bananas are at least eight inches
long. Can not take credit for this, it ...
4 Comments, 110 Views,
17 Votes
,3.27 Score
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