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IMMUNE TO COLD 11/30/2013
ONLY 3 LIVING BEINGS ARE IMMUNE TO COLD:
1. POLAR BEARS
2. PENGUINS
3. FEMALES WEARING SLEEVELESS IN MARRIAGES 
AND REST OF ALL FEELS COLD.......
HEEEEE..............HEEEEEE.......HEEEEEEEE....
0 Comments, 45 Views,
5 Votes
,0.53 Score
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BIKER STORY 11/27/2013
A young woman goes to her doctor’s office, afraid of the
strange development on the inside of her thighs… A green
spot on the inside of each. “They won’t wash off, they
won’t scrape off and they seem to be getting worse.”
The doctor assures her he’ll get to the bottom of the problem,
and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.
A few days ...
1 Comments, 174 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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EXAM TIME 11/27/2013
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow`s
final exam.
She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not
showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a
death in the student`s immediate family.
One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What
about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best ...
1 Comments, 141 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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A BLONDE IN CHURCH 11/27/2013
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation,
“Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that
I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community
cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I
want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness
from God and this Christian family.” ...
2 Comments, 147 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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24 INCHES 11/27/2013
An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special
about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises
24 inches long.
When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied
around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a
while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.
Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the ...
0 Comments, 134 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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usband and wife and their two sons are watching TV 11/27/2013
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She
looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message
and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're
going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs
and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks
in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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"is this the FBI?" 11/27/2013
Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy
Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir." The
next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes,
they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swore at Billy Bob ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
0 Votes
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ritish sailor is in a bar 11/27/2013
A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets
a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her
pants and her panties.
He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's
that?"
She says, "It's me lower mouth."
He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"
She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth.
It's got a moustache... It's ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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barber shop 11/27/2013
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's
chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight
edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful
breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine
his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I
should go and spend some time in a hotel room." ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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drug store to buy condoms 11/27/2013
guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind
the counter says, "What size?"
He says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"
He says, "Smaller?"
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's
it."
She puts the two fingers in her ...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
0 Votes
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trucker goes into a whorehouse 11/27/2013
A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five
hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman
and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For
that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls
and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I'm
not horny, I'm homesick."
0 Comments, 27 Views,
0 Votes
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doctors office 11/27/2013
A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around
his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?"
asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife
and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a
cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in
a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and
that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked
puzzled and ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
0 Votes
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"Two Lips and Seven Kisses." 11/27/2013
There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two
Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information
after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the
record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up
a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two
Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said,
"No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!" ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
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3 kings 11/27/2013
Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great
kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's
lives?"
Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
0 Comments, 14 Views,
0 Votes
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GOLFING 11/27/2013
A Priest and a nun go golfing one day.
The Priest tees up his ball, swings, and misses it completely.
"Oh shit, I missed", he says
The nun looked at him sharply.
He addresses his ball again, swings and misses it again.
'Oh shit, I missed again", he says.
The nun says: "Father, you really shouldn't
use that kind of language."
"I know, ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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The Veterinarian 11/26/2013
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering,
the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing
$1, 000. It happened again the next week!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected
and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope
on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome
by curiosity, approached her. ...
0 Comments, 142 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Hitting into the buttercups 11/25/2013
A golfer hooks his tee shot on the fifth hole and it lands
right in the middle of a backyard flowerbed. Not wanting
to take a penalty stroke, he decides to hit out of the flowers.
Just as he's about to take his swing, a voluptuous lady
in a sheer negligee comes running out of the house.
"Mister, please don't. You'll destroy
my buttercups! If you move your ball I'll give you ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Mad Wife 11/24/2013
Wife comes late at night & quietly opens the door to
her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a Baseball bat & starts hitting the
blanket as hard as she can.
Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to drink water.
As she enters, she sees her husband there reading a magazine..
Husband says..”Hi Darling ...
0 Comments, 144 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Little Johnny 11/24/2013
Little Johnny’s first grade class was playing “Name
That Animal.” The teacher held up a picture of a cat and
asked, “What Animal is this?”
“A cat!” said Suzy.
“Good job. Now, what’s this Animal?”
“A dog!” said Ricky.
“Good. Now what Animal is this?” she asked, holding
up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
0 Votes
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Marriage Counselor 11/24/2013
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of
marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate,
painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had.
She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course
of their marriage. ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Dam Fish 11/24/2013
A boy was selling fish shouting “dam fish, come buy dam
fish”.
A preacher happened to be passing by when he heard the boy.
He asked the boy, ‘why call them dam fish?’
Boy: because I caught them in a dam”.
The preacher bought one and took it home.
He told his wife, “cook this dam fish”.
The wife was surprised and told him, “You know we ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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A Funeral 11/24/2013
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.
As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally
bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that
the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another
funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers
carry out the casket.
As ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Hair Cut 11/24/2013
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s
chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.”
The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the
biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever
seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, “Young lady, you and I should go and spend
some time in a hotel room.”
She ...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Laundry 11/24/2013
Young couple moves into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast, The young
woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
“That laundry is not very clean”, she said. “She
doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs
better laundry soap.”
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Cheating 11/24/2013
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her
husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and
afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone
rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the
receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only
hearing her side of the conversation…
(She is speaking in a cheery voice) ‘Hello? Oh, hi. I’m
so ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Having a Baby 11/24/2013
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their
wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy
and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of
twins.”
“That’s odd, ” answers the man. “I work for the
Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re
the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird, ” answers ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Good News, or Bad News 11/24/2013
Wife to Husband (on the Phone): “Hey baby, what you doing???”
.
. Husband: “Listen, I am really busy! Don’t have time
to talk at all.”
.
. Wife: “Well baby, I have a Good news and Bad news for you.
You want to hear them?” …
.
. Husband: “Just tell me the Good news, I don’t have time
for the Bad!”
.
. ...
0 Comments, 123 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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More Tennessee hillbilly jokes 11/23/2013
Tennessee Hillbilly to Doc: I need to git some of them thar
birth control pills fer my .
Doc: Is she sexually active?
Tennessee Hillbilly: Naw...she jes lays thar like like
her maw!
0 Comments, 54 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Another Tennesse hilly story 11/23/2013
A hillbilly from Tennesse wearing a red shirt walked twelve
miles, one way, to the general store.
'Heya, there, ' said Ron, the store owner. 'Tell
me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing
stones and flint together?'
'You betcha, Ron. Ain't no 'tother way. Why?'
'Got something to show you. Something to make fire.
It's called a "match".
...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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FUNERAL STORY 11/22/2013
A famous heart specialist died and everyone was gathered
at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front
of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone
said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin
rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment
one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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