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Pissed Out A Bullet 10/31/2013
One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into
labor with 3 .
Her husband didn’t want to be any part of this so he decided
to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a
sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through
it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
When she ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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$400 For A Night 10/31/2013
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front
porch with her bags packed.
‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’,
said the man. ‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just
found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside
the house only to come back a few minutes later ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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THE AFFAIR 10/30/2013
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.
While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants
to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into
the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the ...
3 Comments, 161 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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'Go-To' guy' 10/30/2013
Location, Location, Location
In the news this week, a Southern California man was put
under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found
he owned 100 guns and had (by rough estimate) one million
rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also
has a secret escape tunnel.
The television reporter said: "Wow! He has about
a million machine gun bullets!" and the ...
0 Comments, 1579 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Only permanent injury 10/30/2013
Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was severely injured while
ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during
a catapult shot from the aircraft carrier, but due to the
heroics of rescue helicopter and the ship's hospital
staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he was now physically impaired he did not remain on
flight status but eventually became an Admiral. ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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(or maybe not!) 10/29/2013
Some of you gray hairs should remember some of these old
song (or maybe not!)
60's Hits Renamed
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits
with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can
remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday.
They include:
Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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The ZIPPER 10/29/2013
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting
for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped
and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt
was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the
first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a ...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Did I send this to you already? 10/29/2013
Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely
forget what that purpose was?
Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange
memory lapses.
Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered
that passing through a doorway triggers what's known
as an Event Boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts
and memories from the next. ...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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"high wind?" 10/29/2013
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise
ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away
in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me,
madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know, " said the lady. "I need
both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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LITTLE JOHNNY AT THE ZOO 10/28/2013
So little Johnny is being taken to the Zoo for the first time,
by his parents.
He is amazed at all the different kinds of animals.
When he gets to the Elephant enclosure he asks his Mother.
"What's that thing hanging down between his
legs?"
Mother. "Oh, that's his trunk."
Johnny. "No, at the other end?"
Mother. "It's nothing dear."
Johnny then ...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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EXPENSIVE APPLES 10/28/2013
This guy was driving along a country road. Along the side
of the road he sees a sign:
"Apples, $5.00 each." So he pulls over to the
side of the road and asks the farmer why his apples are so
expensive.
The farmer says, "Well, these are peanut butter and
jelly apples." So the guy buys one.
He says, "These apples only taste like jelly, where's
the peanut butter?" The ...
0 Comments, 123 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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KNOW YOUR NUMBER 10/28/2013
Ring-g-g-g-g-
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, . . . is your Mommy near the
phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with
Unc'a Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't
got an Uncle Frank, honey."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom
with Mommy right now!"
"Uh, okay, then . . . here's what I want you to ...
0 Comments, 130 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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AT THE PSYCHIATRISTS 10/28/2013
I'd been having some gay dreams, so I went to see a psychiatrist
about it.
He said, "Take a seat, Gary, and I'll ask you a
few questions. Just say what comes naturally. Ok?"
"Ok, " I said, sitting down.
"Pink or blue?"
"Blue."
"Batman or Robin?"
"Batman."
"The Foo Fighters or One Direction?"
"The Foo Fighters."
...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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A RABBIT, GIRAFFE, ELEPHANT AND A LION 10/26/2013
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when
he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe
my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the
forest! You'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and
goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across
an elephant ...
1 Comments, 120 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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A SCARY INTRODUCTION 10/26/2013
A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up,
just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens
the door.
In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says
"You're the biggest man I have ever seen".
The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-9, weigh
259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown."
The dwarf faints!
After ...
0 Comments, 103 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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GREEKS VS. ITALIANS 10/26/2013
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who
had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."
The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians."
The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire."
..and so on and so on ...and then the Greek says: "We
invented sex."
The Italian ...
0 Comments, 104 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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THREE HOLES 10/26/2013
This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to stay for
the night. So he sees this barn up the road and asks the guy
if he can stay in his barn for the night.
"Sure, " says the farmer, "as long as
you promise not to stick your winky into the three holes."
The man promises, and the farmer leaves him there.
Of course, he can't resist, and the farmer is woken
up in the ...
0 Comments, 129 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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SIMPLE LOGIC OF A WOMEN 10/26/2013
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to
find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony
of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was
asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor, ' she began coolly, 'I ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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OLE'S FARM 10/25/2013
Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall
and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed, and
Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.
The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole,
"Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you
this bad news in person instead of by letter."
Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"
The surveyors ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Washington Redskins Change Their Name... 10/25/2013
The Washington Redskins are changing their name because
of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity,
adversity, defiance, hatred, animosity, contempt, discrimination,
division, violence, counter-productivity, ill-spirit,
un-Godliness, and hostility associated with their name.
From now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.
0 Comments, 71 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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One more time 10/25/2013
Cure for Anger A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husband's
temper.
The doctor asks: "What's the problem?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to
do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason.
It scares me."
The doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems
that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of
water and ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
0 Votes
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THE TALKING CENTIPEDE 10/24/2013
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted
to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use
for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Medical distinction 10/23/2013
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We've all heard of people having Guts or having Balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to
ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you ...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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It is that time of the year 10/23/2013
A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night,
when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes
out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the
middle of the street toward him.
...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Passing this one on... 10/23/2013
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for
a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.
As yet, the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only
a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute
now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window,
and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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72 virgins in Heaven 10/23/2013
An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared
before Allah. He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding,
but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all
my time in terrorist training school, I have never been
with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't
know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"
Allah regarded him for a moment, ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Sealed 10/22/2013
An Eskimo takes car to a mechanic says dunno mate just started
running like a pig the other day. Leave it with me mr. Eskimo
be running sweet as by time you do ya shopping. Mqg. Eskimo
walking back later bag of shopping in one hand and an icecream
in the other asks the mechanic whats the verdict mate? Mechanic
says hmmm looks like ya blowna seal mate . Eskimo wipes his
mouth and says nah honest ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Hindi Joke 10/22/2013
Awarded Double Meaning
Joke:
.
. lady to rikshwalla "...under tak jaayega?"
.
. rikshawalla "bilkul jaayega madam, aapke liye toh khada kiya hai."
.
.
.
. lady "thik hai toh..ghumake phicche se le lo...."...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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PHIL'S SICK 10/21/2013
At the end of his sermon the pastor asked if anyone in the
congregation wanted to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood up and walked to the podium. She said,
"I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil,
was in a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely
crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't
know if they could help him."
A ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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ANOTHER VIEW OF S&M 10/20/2013
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they
haven't seen each other since graduation.
They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation
covers their husbands, their , homes, etc. and
finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so
but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just ...
1 Comments, 125 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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