Describe your most attractive feature.

5/6/2014

“He had a quiet way about him, a walk and a talk that just
wasn't normal around here. He strolled, like a man
in a park without a care or a worry in the world, like he had
on an invisible coat that would shield him from this place.”
The Shawshank Redemption

I wonder if Le Marquis de Sade smiled at anyone… from the
films I’ve seen he seemed one always in high spirits albeit
a bit cocky; it was as if he knew something that no one else
did. Perhaps it was more of a mask; after all in this day and
age sadism is derived from the name Sade as a mental disorder
or a category of acceptable kink if consensual of course.


My smile, that’s the simple answer, my smile is my most
attractive feature or at least the one feature I have heard
anyone speak on, that I consider complimentary. You’re
always smiling, always laughing, and indeed it has become
such a staple that it appears unavoidable and even uncontrollable.
So taking this into contemplation, my smile is but a choice
in meaning alone who I am to be or who I want to be. [image] “None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in
here with you. You're locked in here with *ME*!”
The Watchmen

You can call me “Mr. Brightside” the nice
guy, the believer in silver linings though in truth I feel
as though I’m “Losing My Religion”. This
smile is indubitably real when it comes to my own idea of
beauty but wanes in the face of the false.

Those that would see the real me are to my lament fictional
deities… Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice “Tris” Prior,
Anastasia Steele, Fiona Belli, Ellie and the like. I can
smile just as easily at an existent enemy and everyone else
in-between; lovers who will never know me and nemeses that
must never know me. The factor that unites these forces
is the want of something, the denial, and the concept that
somehow or another I must be okay with the lack there of.


A smile to keep from crying or something to that effect;
and if I were to smile while tears were falling, perhaps
this is just another way to be blinded by love.

Another way to look at it this is of course; my smile is not
meant for myself but for others, not to share but to protect
them from who I sometimes if not all the time truly am. Ruminate
on the idea that this is my “Poker Face” but
the truth of the matter is that everyone expects me to lose
so what if I actually decided to win, again I refer you to
Le Marquis de Sade, in the midst of such corruption and violation
how exactly did he look?

Yes I continue to imagine a smile but how can one smile at
such horrors inflicted, what happiness can be found in
such depravity yet it is something I do consider. I don’t
think I have ever seen myself smile while using my Fleshlight
and yet I feel a relief and a euphoria that a thousand smiles
cannot buy. Then again I have watched masters proceed with
their business and have smiled rather profusely at their
exploits, knowledge, skill, along with the loveliness
of their subjects. Such is joy

"Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives
searching for someone we don’t fool." Robert Brault


So I’m waiting for what will make me happy, I believe
to love a girl or more importantly for a girl to love me will
bring about such happiness. I suppose I have become somewhat
of the character Quasimodo and this is Topsy Turvy Day…
and yes I know Quasimodo did not win Esmeralda.

Yet here I am waiting for some pretty girl’s touch and
I imagine this will end one of three ways the first being
that this isn’t a mask, this smile and I dream that she
may love me. Second this is not a mask and she will reject
me, maybe I surely am the monster and what is it that society
does to monsters… a story for another time. Lastly I am
wearing a mask and when she removes it there is the question
of what I am, who I am, or what have I become.

There was a time I would have settled for the words I Love
Your Smile but there is so much more to me and I suppose
pretty girls. I might not be as shallow as I believe but then
again what am I saying… I’m smiling