i think it depends on the person.

in a relation the should know what they do and if both are
honest and can live with it, its fine...

Honesty is the best policy

Honesty between partners...it works

Every relationship should be based on honesty and trust,
and Steve was not honest and led Sara to believe that she
could not trust what he told her (at a time that she was vulnerable
due to illness). That alone throws up the first "red
flag" to this relationship.

However, I am also concerned about how Steve lied;
he denied his role and placed the "blame" on
the "other woman". He used a stereotype as old
as humanity by making her an "Eve-temptress".
Of course now Sara will see her as a dangerous "dishonorable,
evil, man-stealing home-wrecking intention[ed]"
woman--because that's how Steve presented her, a
woman who called and "tempted" him.

This is not to say that this couldn't be an okay--or
even good--experience for them, but it should be based
on honesty. As it is said in some circles, "you gotta
own your own emotions", and Steve should own up to
his.

Every relationship should be based on honesty and trust,
and Steve was not honest and led Sara to believe that she
could not trust what he told her (at a time that she was vulnerable
due to illness). That alone throws up the first "red
flag" to this relationship.

However, I am also concerned about how Steve lied;
he denied his role and placed the "blame" on
the "other woman". He used a stereotype as old
as humanity by making her an "Eve-temptress".
Of course now Sara will see her as a dangerous "dishonorable,
evil, man-stealing home-wrecking intention[ed]"
woman--because that's how Steve presented her, a
woman who called and "tempted" him.

This is not to say that this couldn't be an okay--or
even good--experience for them, but it should be based
on honesty. As it is said in some circles, "you gotta
own your own emotions", and Steve should own up to
his.

After reading this....i feel that i should get an open marriage.
But then again why marry to begin with. But honesty is the
key.

I've found that it depends upon the agreements that
are made by the primary partners that mostly defines the
direction of certain relationships.

polyamoury vs monogomy is complicated enough as a topic
for most couples. but its extremely important that open
'honest' communication is a continual expectation.

I know some couples recently have had a similar 'lied'
to feeling about contacting others outside their relationship.
it all cases, the person was more upset they were lied-to;
if the main partner has stood up for their feelings, there
could have been a compromise in most situations.

not all relationships can function with this 'close
to home' kind of relationship, so everyone involved
needs the opportunity to be heard, and many times meeting
all parties, just to remove the mythical questions of are-they-better-than-me
or what-are-they-really-like, can help this, depending
on the relationship-dynamic... on the other hand perhaps
sometimes, partners would just rather not-know.

without open discussion however, this kinds of things
cannot be discovered nor resloved before someones expectations
or feelings are hurt.

cheers
+laine+

there has to be a line between openness/fun and feelings!
and if your lucky enough to have openness then honesty has
got to come along with it after your concrete in your own
relationship and commitments

You have to be honest with one another.

me & my wife enjoy being with outer people, but we have
1 rule, we both are there.she doesn't like being alone
with other guys because of all the weirdo, i don't, because
it feals like cheeting.so we do our thing togather[SIZE
6]

I thought this article was excellent and I feel honesty
is the best policy.


Although we all like honesty, not everyone can handle the
truth. Also some people may take honesty as a form of weakness.

I would be very upset if Steve had done that with me, really
I would. If I could have an open relationship married/unmarried
like that, that would be too cool but honesty would have
to be there and guys like Steve r not a good thing.

Be real, she was going to let u play anyways so why hide the
truth.

S

Honesty is the best way to go, but i'm the only one cause
my husband dont do any thing like that and i'm bi so it
works and he lovs to hear about it when i get home.

Having been cheated upon in a supposedly monogamous relationship,
I can say it was the lying, not the sex, that bothered me the
most. If (big if!) I ever get into another LTR, it will be
open with the emphasis on honesty. Great article!

I really do'nt understand these types of relationships, why
get married to act like you're still single?? Just
do'nt get it!! Maybe it's boredom with who you're
with or something.I try not to judge. Be open minded.If
I was with a buddy or friend and did this kinda thing that
would be one thing, but be in a serious relationship with
someone I really love and care about, I would'nt want
to share them, I'd be jealous or want to slash tires
or something(NOT GOODDD!!!)

This article was excellent. I must commend those that have
open relationships. I can not fathom someone touching
the love of my life.However you do run the risk of your partner
enjoying someone a little to much. And that can lead to some
outside activities that most would not approve of.

we hove be honest some times

being dishonest can ruin a good setup

dishonesty can ruin a great setup !!!

its really on the person

I do'nt understand ....

An open marriage, in any variety, requires knowing what
your partner wants and needs to know. There is a thing called
too much information. Trust is another little item...
never lie, never color the truth, be upfront with the facts.
Its not the facts that hurt an open marriage, its the suspicion
of not being told the whole truth. A partner can deal with
the other developing emotional feeling toward the new
lover... they can not deal with doubt.

He should have been honest with her.It seems to me she was
fine with the whole thing and that should have been his clue.

If it is a two way thing then I believe that iuts fine, however
it will break apart as soon as one person get jelous. If you
want this and both parties are happy and activly sharing
then go for it but it can breakup elationships very quickly.

Honesty is the key here. If you agree to participate in an
open relationship, Honesty is a major factor. Once that
is broken, it will never be the same and the trust is gone.

A truly excellent article, and I'm just echoing the
sentiments already expressed, but if you are fortunate
enough to have found someone to share the rest of life with,
AND share your intimate lifestyle, no matter how hard the
truth is to tell: ALWAYS TELL IT!!!

We think that honesty is the best policy. Hurt feelings
are bound to arise when a person feels left out of the loop.

Great article, one of my favorites

I agree with a lot of what she said, he should have just told
the truth in the first place, she probably would have said
yes anyway, but lying like that is unnecessary.

Honesty is the only way to deal with these situations.

i don't understand

Damn good article. Truth and honesty always work in the
end.

being in an open relationship, honesty and openness are
key. i lost trust in my husband's exploring because
he lied to me about the level of interest in another woman
-- and i kept explaining that it was the lying that got to
me, but for some reason with this particular woman, he couldn't
seem to stop it. at that point i insisted he stop seeing her.
he hasn't actually ventured into other explorations
with other women since because he doesn't seem to trust
himself anymore... he also feels that the other women he
has explored with do want to tempt him away from me, and that
is a deal-breaker for him.

its cool...good article..fun read

I am in an semi open relationship - where we let people in
our bed. Now for anything to happen outside of our bed we
have to both be on board. There was a period where my partner
started do ing what steve did - he really did not want to hurt
my feelings - hence why he was omitting things. In the end
he realized he was only making things worse.

I am all for the open relationships at any level a couple
may have it. But you have to be honest. If either of you feel
you have to omit or hide anything then you know it is wrong.
Be honest!!!!

I am in an semi open relationship - where we let people in
our bed. Now for anything to happen outside of our bed we
have to both be on board. There was a period where my partner
started do ing what steve did - he really did not want to hurt
my feelings - hence why he was omitting things. In the end
he realized he was only making things worse.

I am all for the open relationships at any level a couple
may have it. But you have to be honest. If either of you feel
you have to omit or hide anything then you know it is wrong.
Be honest!!!!

nice and honest comment...

Every relationship should be based on honesty and trust, I
know it works

well I understand her felings about him lie. I am married
for 32 years and on the swing style for 3. We go as a couple
and I go must of the day if I have a partner by myself but hubby
knows when I go out and with I am with. I have let him go out
alone too, I don't mind at all but girls get scare when
you say that you are married..lol
If my guy went alone with another girl without telling me
that will hurt me a lot, and my trust on him will be shaked.

good and interesting

basically

it boils down to this...being open and honest...i ma in
an open relationship with my fbs...and it works because
we are honest with each other...such is my 2 cents worth
of the day

In this type of relationship, honesty is essential...he
should have told her from the begining he was interested
in contacting this other woman...

ur looking so sexi

sounds all to familiar. But it goes beyond just being truthful,
it requires honesty. No ommisions, or spinning things.
My wife and I found ourselves in a similar situation when
we started having others, and while we were both always
(I believe always) truthful, we both thought that full
disclosure wasn't needed, and that first crack in
the foundation of trust is very hard to mend.

honesty is the best policy

An open marriage means being honest and up front about everything
including how you met and what your feelings and desires
are

Any one should understand marriage is a arrangement of
life requirement for both. It should taken as gift of nature
and to enjoy waht we havw in each other. Fantasies has no
limits but we can live with present in oue fronts.

^ nice ass...fun article btw

do you as a woman reveal your sexual desires to your humbands
the sexual desires that involve other men ?

honesty???? only some now the meaning of the word

this all depends on 2 things the people involved... because
my wife and i were in a semi open relantionship and well now
we are seperated and going through a divorce because we
both pushed the boundries.... the other thing invooved
in this is can she get over the fact that he sought out this
woman if she can things will never be the same..... trust
me I KNOW... thanks for listing all

good article

being honest and straightforward is always the best thing
to do works every time

honesty is the best policy it works the best especially
in that type of relationship

good article

I have been the other woman for someone who was in an open
relationship and they had specific rules and we made sure
to follow them, his wife and I are currently good friends
and he and I still hook up on the regular. It works if you follow
the rules and respect your partners wishes

I WAS WITH A GUY A FEW WEEKS AGO AND HIS WIFE HAD SOMEONE BAIL
ON HER I FELT BAD THAT HERE I AM WITH HER HUBAND AND SHE WAS
READING IN THE LOBBY BUT WHAT I KNOW ABOUT THEM THEY LOVE
EACH OTHER AND THERE VERY OPEN AND HONEST AND I OWE HER A TRIP
TO A MALE STRIP CLUB AND A MASSAGE FOR SHOWING ME THAT BEING
HONEST ALWAYS IS BEST

honesty is always the best policy but jealousy can be a bitch
have you ever heard the phrase "i didnt want to tell
you because i didnt want to hurt you" open relationships
only last so long jealousy will rise up eventually, and
being openminded does sound like a commitment

Good article...Many men fantasize about being in an open
marriage/relationship and not so surprisingly underestimate
the constant work it requires to work successfully. The
key seems to be that the communication that unfolds must
be authentic, connected to feelings, and balanced with
their partner. Additionally, a "marinating"
period needs to occur for each person to process both information
and the feelings they spawn.

Steve may have mislead himself, when Sara asked him why,
he didn't get her #, that's when he should have
asked if he could.

i agree with the concensus

i can read it again and again..good article

being honest and trust are the key to a good relationship

got to have honesty in any relationship

Great article
Honesty is the one boundarie that any good relationship
has. The first lie sends you on a slippery slope where you
have continue lying to cover the lie before it.
No matter what your limits are make sure honesty is one of
them

I have been in a situation simular
me and my husband are in a open relationship we married young
and had kids we both love eachother dearly but missed out
on the whole "sewing our roots thing" He has
colored the truth once. I talked with him and he addmitted
to liking guys as well as woman. If you are in a marraige you
work things out you understand, forgive and forget. Remembering
that honesty is the best policy.

The article was good and insightful. Though I have never
had an open relationship, I can kinda relate to Steve, the
whole "White lie" aspect. Guess it is a good
lesson to both him & I.

you need to have trust

deal on top of the table and be honest

Thanks for the great article. To be honest, I am more of a
Steve type of guy, as I have never been taught that I am ok
as I am. Now, I realize that I need to take responsibility
to myself, but the question sometimes is how to retrain
yourself.


I live in China and my wife, who I am in the process of leaving
is Chinese. In China telling a white lie to protect someone
is like believing in equality in the US, it is ingrained
in this society. While I never cheated on my wife during
our time together, I was dishoest about who I was and was
meeting other people on-line who became friends. I just
could not admit it, because this was not accpetable to her.
When I talked about this with Chinese women nearly 90% of
them told me never to share my true feelings with my wife.
If I was going to cheat, just cheat, but don't admit
it. For them, in this society that it considered good.


Still, for me I know that when I am out of integrity, I suffer.
My first marriage failed because I could not allow myself
to be who I am, a sexually active bi man. I will take from this
and from your article and begin working on learning to be
honest, and finding someone who loves me for who I am fully.


The best part of the article was actually the comments.
It made me realize how many people there are out there who
have or are open to the type of relationship I want to have.
I will not deny who I am again..


Thanks all..

be up front and open

wow...so many oppinions, the bottomline is that a lie
no matter how small is infact that.

this ones simple steve is an idiot

Eres muy bella....sabes...enviame tu foto para ponerla
en mi salvapantallas....eres mi Diosa[SIZE
4]

honesty works most of the time.

It isn't always easy, but you've got to be honest.
Ultimately, trust is everything.

The relationship can be however the couple agrees, but
it just takes one dishonest moment to tear apart a long and
lovely evening.

We have a somewhat open ralationship. We are both allow
with other woman at any point in time however, she is not
allow (and WANTS NOTHING to do with) other men. we both know
our limits. the only requirement that we have is that we
tell one another after it happens we don't wants to
find out from someone else.

I've always felt that this is a very dangerous area
for couples to enter. It's easy to guess how you will
feel after you have taken the plunge, but sometimes what
we think will happen and what does happen are very different
things. By all means, be entirely open with your partner
and hopefully they with you, but the pitfalls are many so
take things very slow.

Sara sounds like a girl I once knew. Make sure she is in touch
with her true feelings

Steve should have been honest with Sara. If there is an open
relationship, each should trust the other in what thier
decisions are regarding thier open relationship adn being
with other peopls.

good observation

Wow this opens up a can of worms, doesn't it???
Yeah yeah be honest and open with each other... We get that.
What people really need to do is be honest with themselves.
Steve knew instinctively that what he was doing was wrong
and Sara was in denial.
If you can't be honest with yourself, you can't
be honest with anyone.

An excellent article which leads me to my comments.


I was in such a relationship but instead of coming out with
it I chose to 'hide' it from my wife. Needless to
say she found out and what upset her more than the fact that
I had a woman was my inability or unwillingness to be open
and honest with her about it. I


In hindsight I see taht I should have done just that.


Rcently we are talking about swinging and now taht I am open
and talking and discussuing she is more responsive and
participatory.


So honesty and openess are the cornerstones of a relationship
and if you are thinking of alternative activities then
this is even more important.

An excellent article which leads me to my comments.


I was in such a relationship but instead of coming out with
it I chose to 'hide' it from my wife. Needless to
say she found out and what upset her more than the fact that
I had a woman was my inability or unwillingness to be open
and honest with her about it. I


In hindsight I see taht I should have done just that.


Rcently we are talking about swinging and now taht I am open
and talking and discussuing she is more responsive and
participatory.


So honesty and openess are the cornerstones of a relationship
and if you are thinking of alternative activities then
this is even more important.

An excellent article which leads me to my comments.


I was in such a relationship but instead of coming out with
it I chose to 'hide' it from my wife. Needless to
say she found out and what upset her more than the fact that
I had a woman was my inability or unwillingness to be open
and honest with her about it. I


In hindsight I see taht I should have done just that.


Rcently we are talking about swinging and now taht I am open
and talking and discussuing she is more responsive and
participatory.


So honesty and openess are the cornerstones of a relationship
and if you are thinking of alternative activities then
this is even more important.

Honesty has always been the foundation of any good relationship
and should always be a major part of the relationship.

Gotta have honesty to work

just be honest and everything will be ok

This article is the perfect example of how
fragile we really are. Even though you think you've
got it all figured out, "life" finds a way to
trip you up. In the case of Steve and Sara, Steve wasn't
honest, and Sara's trust in him was shaken. Trust isn't
won over easily, but can disappear with a whisper. Total
honesty and open communication are essential for building
any healthy relationship.


However, I'm presently indulging my belief in polyamory,
and am intersested in hearing more testiments from people
who have experience this field.


Here's a good link to a better understanding of polyamory.
http://Senior Sizzle.com

hi helo...........

A great read added to our site. "Conversation rules
the nation"

Honesty is they key to a succesful relationship. The truth
hurts but not for long.

Honesty is the key to a successful relationship.

It seems that Steve was thinking about himself. If their
relationship is as somewhat open then Steve should have
told Sara that he wanted to have sex with the young woman!

Honesty, communication are the key.

Wow, its seems like a tough thing to do. If you can make it
work than thats great though. :)

I can't see myself in an open marriage but I agree with
what the majority of other posters have said, he should
have been honest.

I can't see myself in an open marriage but I agree with
what the majority of other posters have said, he should
have been honest.

I can't see myself in an open marriage but I agree with
others that he should have been honest.

honesty is always the answer! very interesting article

A good relationship is built on trust and satisfaction
and always wanting the best for your partner even when you
cannot perform. Being open in a realtionship is a sign of
true love between the parties.

Excellent article!!!


Hannah

We are open and honest about everything...it works!

Honesty should be the number one policy between partners!

You need to be honest and be able to talk about anything,
its the only way it will work

A marvelously written article...great job!

I would hope my partner was honest with me and therefore
I am honest with my partner. Just being honest even if it
is difficult is key.

this article is honest and straightforward.

Honesty is the best policy, and a woman or man, who both agree
to be open, shouod be open and honest.

The author, Tristan Taormino, has stated the following
very important points that also apply to “swinging relationships”:
“…For open relationships to work, there must be open
communication and people need to take responsibility
for their desires and their behavior. Steve knew this intellectually,
but was acting emotionally.”
“…I trust that my partner will select someone who will respect
our relationship as primary and priority number one.
However, sometimes lust gets in the way of someone’s better
judgment. I always trust my instincts when I meet a new person,
and if I smell drama, distrust, or bad boundaries, I let
my partner know. Sara should have the opportunity to do
the same.”
“…The important thing is not to repeat some of the all too
common mistakes that they made right off the bat. Don’t
sugar coat or distort the truth in order to make someone
feel better. Don’t assume you know how your partner will
react to something before you give them a chance to do so.
Don’t say yes to something without meaning it. Do assert
your needs in the situation. Do respect each other and the
rules you’ve set up. Do be honest with yourself and your
partner about your feelings and your actions.”

The only item that I would add to the article is that the communication
needs to be ongoing with constant assessment as to where
the couple is with their feelings -- today!

You'll get more in the long run with honesty. No one
can ever say they didn't know so if they get hurt that
made that choice to stay. They have no 1 to blame but the decisions
they made.

thats cool

hi, thanks for the your item, im new to open relationships
and your item and it was good to read, have good day

thanks, new to this and it helped,

As has been said by most posters, you have to be honest and
respect each others feelings.

While it is always the best idea to be honest, sometimes
it's better for the entire situation to have some empathy,
as well.

honesty is the key, lies and mis leading tactics will get
you nowhere in any relationship

Be honest or dont do it at all.

This was a very good article, and helped
me understand better the relationship my lover is in. My
lover has an open marriage. I think it is neat. She knows
everytime we meet and he said anytime they are with someone
else they always ask how it was. I think the best thing about
this is that she has met me before, one time, but a few months
before I began sleeping with her husband. I just wonder
what would happen if eeling were to develope between one
of them and someone they meet with regularly. I can tell
you my lover and I have a lot in common, a lot of the same interests,
however I am in no way interested in taking him from his wife,
after one badly failed marriage and another one that is
ending(I am currently married but it is long past time ot
get out of it and I will be out of it soon), I do not want to live
with man ever again. So this seems like the perfect relationship
to me, I can live on my own, alone, have a really good friend
with great benefits, and then I can send him home for someone
else to deal with. My lover and I are planning on doing a few
other things together besides sex, so can see this becomong
a permanent thing and I hope to be able to become friends
with his wife one day. This article was good and helped me
see what he deals with being in an open marriage like that.

Libra Angel

If he's already having an open relationship, I guess
he must be really confused & had to lie about the situation.
Either that or he's genuinely attracted to the new
lady more than he cares to admit ... even to himself.

If you're going to have an open relationship, honesty
is definitely required to keep that relationship intact.

I agree w/blkstlln... except for the tires part... shes
way up there.

I agree w/blkstlln... except for the tires part... shes
way up there.

yeah. only problem is that once they agreed to have things
'open' that leads to things like that happening.
but it does not seem like she was insecure about it in the
first place so he should have been more open.

Honesty is ultimately important, for trust. Sara and Steve
should have talked about this possibility BEFORE it happened.
While it's understandable that the situation fell
outside the accepted and normal boundaries, there's
no question that such a situation would come up. We, as a
couple, understand that there will be no hookups or meetings,
either together or separate, without the prior approval
of the other. Sometimes, all that involves is a phone call,
and other times it involves a full, face-to-face meeting
between all 3 people. This depends on the "vibes"
the other party (the one not involved) is getting or feeling.

as long as it's honest and open ...things should work
out.

I always said if I was to marry again I would have an open marriage
and to me that means I am fine with him going out and screwing
other women just be "OPEN" and tell me about
it first, I feel if you are dishonest about it then in a sense
you are cheating, I mean she gave him the thumbs up why lie???

great artical..

Trust is an important part of any relationship, but especially
in an "open" one. His not being honest is probably
going to be an issue in the future.

The one thing we don't agree with in this otherwise
great article is: We trust each other enough not to have
to subject a potential other someone to interviewing to
see whether this person respects the primary relationship.
If an error of judgment occurs, it can only be a momentary
thing, neither of us are blind!

The need for this article speaks volumes. I can relate to
the aspect of meeting the other partner too. I found out
that after I met my GF partner and became occasional friends,
that she was lying to him. It was soon after he stopped seeing
her. So being honest not only in your primary relationship
and secondary is soooo needed for the total "open
relationship" to work. It was after he stopped seeing
her that she acknowleded that honesty does pay. Go Figure
it takes a mistake to learn.

My Wife and I have a "somewhat" open relationship
after 16 years of marriage (18 months of open playing in
general). We don't lie, in that we don't see another
person w/out opening it up for discussion 1st, we don't
initiate the contact with others but accept open requests
for our fun (Separately)(my wife is hot!!!), tried for
a short period co-mingling with others, didn't work.
We also have a rule about too much information. Don't
over-do it, that can lead to "lying" in trying
to protect his/her feelings. Doesn't always work
perfectly, there have been some feelings hurt (unintentionally),
an occasional tear, etc, but we never lie when answering
the others question. Oh, and our outside liasions can't
ever call us at home or work. Cell phones, specified times/places
for calls. Also these people involved in our liasions cannot
be family, friends, or a personal friends. And sometimes
this doesn't work for us and we both withdraw from outside
activity w/others for a time. My wife is my priority in life,
however, on occasion, I have taken time with another woman,
when it would have been smarter to have been at home. And
the same has happened to her. We are honest w/each other
about these tims, but again, we neither one give tons of
information. I don't ask for fear of looking an emotional
"maw in the teeth, " and she feels the same.
We have also been fortunate enough to have stopped anything
that weighs out current relationship down.
I am pretty sure that there has been a time or two that she
has felt the need (and possibly lust) to get "happy"
when the opportunity arose, no pun intended or denied.
She is a very hot lady and for me to expect her to go thru life
w/out being propositioned is a fairy tale. And I don't
expect her to go thru life without the right to indulge if
she so desires. JUST BE HONEST. We are surviving quite nicely.
D & D

Honesty is always the best policy- especially in an open
relationship!! If you have an open relationship, the trust
factor should already be strong between the two of you-
but if you lie about something, it hurts that trust! Regardless
of the circumstances of the situation- tell the truth!

i think that was a great article.

If only I could be in an open relationship, then I wouldn't
have to be sneeking around. I envy all of you who are lucky
enough to be in these open relationships.




C

i think anytime 2 people have a open relationship you run
the risk of dishonesty and mistrust. Jealousy is bound
to play a part somewhere in it.

As long as both parties are ok with it and everyone is honest
about everything there shouldnt be any problems. Open
relatinoships are supposed to be MORE fun not less!

I think you should always be honest if you want someone say
so. Just because you want them sexually dont mean you dont
love the one you are with.

As long as both partners are okay with it, then honnesty
is the way to go.

Honesty is the best policy but this article hits on the crux
of the matter - what to do if one partner is honest and one
is not. Communication here is the most essential bit, knowing
the partner as well as yourself to bring honesty regardless
of how difficult is entirely the best result - dealing with
honest fact and moving on helps any relationship whatever
it is you both are dealing with. Problems shared are indeed
problems halved if this is followed.

honestly is the main factor in open relationships

I couldn't have agreed more with this article. The
thing about cheating that has always angered me are the
lies and deception that are always involved, NOT the sex.
The thing is, anyone can get sex pretty easily, but a relationship
take real work, sacrafice, commitment, communication,
compromise, etc., but most of all, it must have trust &
honesty. You know what they say... we live, we learn. [SIZE
4]

you know it by feeling it slowly and easy

This is definitely a good article. Honesty is the key in
any situation but especially in a relationship like this.
Once the dishonesty is revealed it makes it very difficult
to believe what is said about anything else and casts great
doubt on a lot of things.

while i don't have alot of experience with being in
an open relationship... I would have to say that the who
called who conflict is somewhat spliting hairs and the
FIB, i'll say, in this case shouldn't be much of
a surprise... the surprise should be her reaction... has
the openness of their relationship ran it's course?
if an open relationship is encourged, it shouldn't
need to be perfect in how connections are made...why should
it matter who contacted who... if it does maybe to consider
not being so open, but, atleast admit you have a problem...
and not shove your insecurity on to your parner...

Open relationships can definately cause problems if they
aren't dealt with the right way

I actually agree with Steve's initial approach but
the problem is that deceitful people always get nailed...

Should always be honest in a relationship. Especially
an open one.

great artical

think it depends on the person

Should be truthful alwys

Good article, good advice. My hubby has a look no touch policy,
but after looking and fantasizing, we have wild sex over
the though of how she would be in bed. The fantasy is usually
better than the reality, some super hot girls are boring
as they wait for entertain, in our adventure we turn their
inner slut loose and have a ball, or 2, or 3, or more. ;-)

I think you got something, there.

tristan - the sexiest!!!
This is very much depands on the person

i think this article is horrible

The last paragraph is the key

i totaly agree

Just gota be open and honest. No one likes feeling betrayed
or likes having someone go behind their back. Be honest
to your partner and hope for the same in return

Honesty is the best policy

Honesty is a good policy - but in an open
relationship one is at some point or the other
presented with the situation much like the one in
the article. I think that one should understand
and prepare for these risks when getting into
open relationships.

I think that people need to fully understand that
no matter how much they trust their partners, open
relationships add many variables to the equation.
Remember that many make the decision to have an
open relationship after a period in a normal
relationship. Remember that the dynamics are
different when there are other people involved.

depends really for the person

the truth of the matter is you must really get to know someone
and be completely honest before real feelings are involved
so you don't get hurt.

Interesting article this was.

very very nice reading let me read this again

This can make things difficult.

Ive been CHEATED on by a cpl of really sexy women in this town.
I think POLYAMORY is the real KEY! It worked for me in a bi-coastal
relationship w/the most gorgeous, intelligent Russian
woman Ive yet to meet! When she visits we still go out &
have Sex! HotNThk

Without communication, no one gets anywhere.

This was a really good article. As one part of a couple, I
would like to add that we have an open relationship. We both
have enough love and trust in one another to maintain this
open relationship. We keel our relationship totally honest
and very forthcoming. He knows when I go off and play with
someone else and I know when he goes and plays with someone
else. We also have other couples that we do play with together.
Our honesty between us is what has kept our relationship
so strong. We both have been in other situations where we
were cheated upon by our our ex's and know how it feels.
One of our base rules in our relationship is honesty to build
the trust between us. This has made our relationship strong
and allowed us to keep it going.

If he lies about this, then he'll lie about anything.

Great article

as long as all are happy.

Interesstin interpretation of honest feelings and outliving
them.


Should be a must. But obviosly far away from reality for
it depens on every person at least...

wow, good story

wow, good advise

that is good advice

DON'T FLIRT WITH TROUBLE GIVE UP
BED HOPPING.
IT SOURS ALL TOGEATHERNESS!
I HAVE RUINED MY LIFE.

Honesty is a realationship builder, and strength revealer.

Hi Everyone. with that out of the way.
Based on the understanding and trust of your partner. The
fact that things are alway changing. But the willingness
for understanding your partners sex drive. In the story
wrote here. There was already a understanding of an open
relationship. The changes was a local person and the fact
that his wife or partner was not interested at the time and
giving a green light. Yes he should have said it was the third
party that started it. But the understanding is that both
party had strong sex drives. He may have had some reason
to hold back details. It not up to me. But she all really knew
of his sex drive. Yes I believe he should have know that he
would have gotten a green light anyway. But it is also good
that she is going to meet the third person as well. It all
trust and understanding. All relationship need two understanding
partners to make anything work. The willingness to understanded
can make the world and relatetionships a better thing.
See you all on line or closer :D RodKnocking4U

Very good article! but as some of the members say...why
getting married if it is to go out and see other girls...marriage
is about fidelity, loyalty, so it's better not to marry!
Concerning the lie...well, it's the worst thing that
can happen in a relationship!

i think this is a great article with good advice for couples
that want to open up their relationships.

hi if you enter into an open fun loving thing then you have
to go with the rules you both have set out, but you have to
talk to each other and both know what you can or can't
do if you love each other you will know what is right for each
other, Hope yous have fun in the future and don't look
at the past to much. good luck

As long as everyone is happy then it si OK.

This can be so difficult for everyone involved unless everyone
is totally upfront and honest.

I think that it depends on the couple and what they both believe
in. Also honesty is also very important and is necessary
from each person to one another.

To start great article.A relationship takes real work,
sacrarfice, commitment, communication, compromise,
trust, honesty, respect and both need to take responsibility
for their desires. Before you say yes to something you both
need time to think about it and really talk about it. If you
allow your partner to do something, you need to know how
you are going to feel when it is done and over. Lies and mistrust
come from jealousy open communication keeps jealousy
out of the picture.And if you have to lie about it chances
are you shouldnt be doing it. If you lie to save feelings
the feelings are hurt more in the long run cause of the lie.
In an open relationship you must be open and honest about
everything, both parties need to feel safe within each
other.

A great illustration. It's easy to underestimate
a partner, but honesty allows things to happen and for one
to act with integrity.

Even though they have an open relationship, they defiently
need to talk about things like what was described in the
story

nice article. but for me I always say :
ask me no secrets, I will tell you no lies.

it was a great article honesty is the best policy if u want
an open relationship thats great but in marriage isnt a
good thing your marrying the person to be just with them
so get it out before u marry

It's a very good article. Thanks for it.

well if it was truely open he wouldnt of had to lie to her about
tracking this womand down i think he was trying to hide that
he found someone else he liked and didnt want to admitt it
til he was confronted

That's the problem with open relationships, they
allow too much too happen. To me there is either a relationship
between the two of us or we're just fucking!

Honesty the best policy.

nicely written

I know. Honesty should be the only policy. But, he was just
being a guy. Not that he does this all the time or even all
guys but every now and then a guy will do something like this
and make a dumb unintentional mistake. Now come on, he's
generally sorry. But they did have an open relationship
and shouldn't he be able to pursue another as long as
he's open? etc...

Honesty is the best policy


nicely written

open relationships need open communication
honesty always works

good article..very informative..good read

good article..very informative..good read

My husband and I are always quite clear about what our sexual
boundaries are. We are always completely honest with our
primary partner, as well as our secondary partners, about
what we do and whom we do it with. We expect the same from people
interested in having sex with us.

HELP HELP HELP

good article but it also depends on what kind of person they
are.

I think no one should lie/ not tell everything to their partner.

I love it, keep it up. I hope to see more.

i need a woman

very good article i wish to be in setve's shoes

Definately depends on who you are dealing with.

My partner and I are only contemplating swinging. I am naturally
jealous like most people, I think I can get over that. I
don't think I could be monogamous. I know for sure I
cant stand dishonesty, and the mistrust that will follow.

I think that this couple is playing with fire by having ongoing
relationships with people outside of their union. Having
sex with another person once or twice if both people in the
couple are ok with it is fine, but when you start having emotional
relationships with other people then you're inviting
trouble into your own relationship.

the wife and i when we have a fling it is together mostly because
of all the strange people out there and also because we like
to waatch. but in this instance i would never have lied to
her i would have been honest. it is after all the best policy.

He must have known deep down inside that she would not be
comfortable in the truth. He acted for the sole benefit
for himself and was not really considering them as a couple.

Good overview of a tough topic, a tricky situation. If this
is truly an open relationship, full disclosure has to be
expected and neither party can afford to be surprised by
the actions of the other or the reactions of the other. It
is a slippery slope.

wow wonsderful...!!

you always have to keep it real if you don't whats the
point

Only honesty can carry you thru. Be fair to your partner,
if you ask for permission you will never have to beg for forgiveness!

buen articulo

I agree with honesty and communication being the key. No
relationship would survive without either.

very, very nice, i like this one

You have to do the right thing !

I think the main thing to remember here is honesty and open
communication. If you are not open and honest, most any
relationship does not work.

Excellent article! I agree that honesty and trust are the
most important components of any relationship, but when
you have an open relationship that demands an ever higher
level of trust and honesty.

When you have a relationship like this, you really need
to lay out all of the ground rules in the beginning. And the
first rule should be complete honesty.

seems like steve needs not to be sneeky or lie and sara should
get to meet the other lady

If you both know where you are operating from, then things
can progress otherwise.

as said elsewhere, honesty is the best policy.

this is and awesome article, it really comes down to honesty
but i like how in the article steve was dishonest to protect
her and himself. men do lie, and sometimes women get it mixed
up when really all men are tryin to do is protect their loved
one... but it does go both ways. if i was sara so what if your
too sick to have sex, why cant steve bring back this girl
and let sara watch??

Great article. An open relationship, what does that mean?
COMMUNICATION and details!!!! In an open relationship
there isn't any room for secretcy or deception between
partners.

I aggree and understand where Sara is coming from. I thought
at one point when I was in my last relationship that I could
share my man, but he ruined all trust I had for him by lying
repeatedly about women. That's the number one mistake
in a relationship, I think. If u can't communicate
your desires and needs w/eachother open and honestly-how
will u ever make it.

Awesome advice that I find very useful.

it really depends on the person and in the mood they are wearing.

To me shawty its up to the person...No
relationship is complete without honesty you digg...even
if he were to get away with lying it would catch up eventually

You must have boundaries with your open relationship.
Keep in mind when the boundaries are broken then there's
a trust issue that developes. Boundaries, trust, and no
jealousy is the key.

i agree as honesty is the best police

Wow...that has really put to words alot of what I have been
feeling when we consider an open relationship. I worry,
but at the same time, I trust him. But I want him to be COMPLETELY
honest with me. Sometimes trying to spare my feelings only
makes it worse.

Honesty between partners...it works

sometimes honesty is not always the best idea, i was honest
with mine about being bi and now he doesn't trust me
and i haven't done anything

Third wheel is allways nice..

Honesty is the only policy in an "open relationship".
Steve must not have been playing with a full deck to screw
up a great open relationship.

faith and honesty are very important in any kind of relationship.if
you lie once and are caught out, your partner will take
everything you tell them with a pinch of salt

great article

Communication, communication, communication!

the majority of the relationships is complicated because
the human being was complicated to the long one of the time,
its thoughts, its intentions, its objectives, nobody
trusts more nobody

Very good! You hit that nail square on!

In an open marriage, there are sometimes bumps in the road
so to speak. If both ate completly honest with each other
from the beginning and always keep the truth door open, there
is less hurt, or a painful end to something that could be
treasured and you might not find another partner, so opened
mined to share the fun! So be honest or ya loose!

Not everyone can deal with a open relationship.